Conquer Shyness – What to Say If I Don’t Know What to Say?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Don’t Know What to Talk About? Here’s Why…

Have you ever heard a conversation between two or more outgoing people?

It’s disgusting.

They have the most pointless conversations imaginable.

Celebrity gossip.

The stupid trash movie they saw last week (that really isn’t all that funny).

Comments about other boring people they know.

Or nothing at all. They just talk on and on and it looks like they even enjoy it. They say almost nothing of substance and everyone else seems to love them for it.

While YOU can barely keep a relatively interesting conversation going. You know that you’re different than most people. That’s why you’re reading this post.

Maybe you’ve listened to some of those conversations. And maybe you’ve considered that you don’t talk much because you have nothing in common with most people. You don’t want to be lonely, but can’t ever imagine being part of such pointless conversations.

How can you add something interesting to a conversation that is about nothing?

But if you want to stop being quiet around people, then you’ll have to learn to talk about nothing. It’s an important social skill to have. (And I’m only joking a little bit here.)

What Should I Talk About?

You’ve come to this post because you want to know what to say. You want me to tell you some good things to talk about. But the question “What should I talk about?” is the wrong one.

Did you really believe people talk about stuff that actually matters?

They don’t, and for a good reason.

Most people have nothing real interesting to say. They just don’t know enough to be able to talk about fascinating subjects all the time. Maybe I’m a pessimist in this way, but most people aren’t even that intelligent.

But that doesn’t stop them from having friends. Or girlfriends and boyfriends. Or a social life.

It actually helps. Here’s why…

People Don’t Remember Most Conversations They Have

Most people spend many hours talking throughout the day. They have many conversations with many different people. They talk about their new cat, their vacation in Fiji and what someone else posted on Facebook. They talk about Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Obama, sports, music, makeup, celebrities and so on.

Most people’s problem is not thinking of something to say… it’s shutting up for once!

Yet how many of those conversations do you think they remember?

The trap many shy people fall into is believing every conversation you have must be interesting and important. You might obsess about some small conversation you had with someone for days afterwards. You might lay in bed thinking about what you said, imagining what you could have said, analyzing what you did right and wrong, and planning what you’re going to say to the person the next time they see them.

But tell me, how much has the other person thought of the conversation?

They’ve probably forgotten about it entirely. Because they had plenty of other conversations that pushed it out of their mind. Maybe they had new problems to solve or events to go to. In the end, one little conversation means nothing to the average person in the grand scheme of things. At least it shouldn’t.

That’s why no matter what you say to someone in the average conversation, they will almost 100% certainly forget it within a few days. Because of this, you don’t need to have something particularly interesting to say. You just need to say something.

People don’t remember what you said, but they do remember that you had something to say. In the end, you can talk about interesting stuff, or “nothing.” Nothing is much easier.

Why Should I Want to Talk About Nothing, Anyway?

Good question.

Maybe you’ve agreed with me so far in this post. You find most conversations pointless, so you would rather just so something different. You can always spend the time: reading books, doing your favorite hobby, playing a video game or changing the world.

These are all great things to do, and you should definitely do what you want to.

But you should also find time to make small talk and socialize with people. This gives you much different feelings of belonging and connectedness that other activities never will. It brings a feeling of balance to your life and makes you feel understood by other human beings which gets rid of loneliness. And most importantly, it is what we were meant to do naturally.

People are supposed to be able to make conversation naturally and talk openly about whatever dumb thing comes into your mind, except your shyness gets in the way.

Fortunately, there are several techniques you can use to make words flow out of your mouth like water in a stream, many helped me overcome my own shyness immensely.

How Do I Talk About Nothing?

Did you ever see someone you’d like to say “Hello” to… and then you began to plan out exactly how you’re going to say it and what funny remark you’re going to say afterwards?

Don’t do that.

First of all, it’s too much effort to carefully plan everything you’re going to say. It’s like having a “filter” between your brain and your mouth, only letting through the few remarks that pass your high standards.

You have to stop thinking about what you’re going to say before you say it. Don’t think when you’re talking. Don’t decide on what you’re going to say. Keep your mind completely blank, and just let whatever wants to come out, come out.

Essentially, what you’re doing is making talking spontaneous. You stop using your rational brain and start using your instincts and “gut feeling” more often. This means you no longer have to actively think about or worry about what you’re going to say next. This does take some getting used to, but soon you’ll find small talk becomes a breeze and it’s actually really FUN!

What to Do When Talking

When you’re talking, you have to be in the present moment.

Shy people are usually stuck in their own little head (I would know) thinking about something they just said, and how funny or horrible it was. Or they’re worrying about what they’re going to have to say next, and how to avoid looking nervous or awkward.

Being stuck in your head… thinking, worrying, imagining, daydreaming… is the worst thing you could possibly do if you want to have a natural conversation.

It’s because of this that you sometimes run out of things to say. It isn’t like you have nothing to say. You have a whole lifetime of knowledge, experiences and opinions.

The real problem is not a lack of thoughts to express, but believing that everything that comes out of your mouth must be interesting, unexpected or funny.

The truth is, people don’t remember most conversations, so it’s useless having something great to say every time it is your turn to talk. Instead, you have to practice speaking without thinking. This lets you relax and enjoy conversations more because you now just say whatever “feels” right.

To be able to do this, you can’t be thinking 10 seconds into the future or 10 seconds into the past. You have to be in the moment.

“What If I Say Something Stupid?”

If you don’t run through whatever you’re going to say in your head, how do you know what you’re actually going to say?

You don’t. You just have to trust that over many years of conversations and hearing other people talk, you have enough experience to be able to come up with something appropriate to say automatically. This takes a leap of faith at the beginning.

You’ve been carefully thinking about what to say for so long, that just talking spontaneously will seem unnatural at first. Trust me, it’s much easier and it’s how most people talk.

“I’m Too Smart.”

Maybe you still think “regular people” are too different from you. You couldn’t be more wrong.

There are plenty of very smart and social people out there. You being smart and shy has nothing to do with you being a genius, you’ve just gotten into the habit of not talking. And you can break habits.

Here’s What I Do When Meeting New People

Have you ever seen someone you’d like to meet and wondered how to start a conversation?

Maybe it was an attractive girl or guy you really liked, or someone at your work.

If you’re like I used to be, then you probably starting thinking hard about what you could say when you approached them. You thought about funny or interesting ways to start talking to them. You thought about what you could say afterwards to keep the conversation going and avoid an awkward silence.

And guess what always happens? Usually all this thinking just makes you so nervous that you end up never approaching them. Over thinking makes you imagine everything that could go wrong, and you get stuck in paralysis by analysis.

Don’t worry, I used to be the same way.

This is what I do now: When I see someone I want to meet I give myself 3 seconds to walk over to them. I don’t hesitate and I don’t think for even a second. I keep my mind completely blank and trust that I’m going to have something to say. And you know what? I always do.

Sometimes it’s as simple as: “Hi, I’m Sean” which is good enough. You wouldn’t believe some of the other things I’ve come up with on the spot!

The secret is to not think. Throw yourself into the conversation. You don’t know what you’re going to say, and that’s okay.

Next time when you face this situation of I don’t know what to say, watch this video –How To Never Run Out Of Things To Say In Conversation

Summary

So here’s a list of the main points I’ve covered:

1. It doesn’t matter what you talk about because people forget most conversations completely a few days after they happen.

• You have to be in the moment, not thinking about what happened 10 seconds ago or what you should say 10 seconds in the future. You have to trust that your mind can come up with the right thing to say automatically, you just have to stop “filtering” or censoring what comes out of your mouth so much.

• Most people have no idea what’s going to come out of their mouth, even as they’re talking. They are spontaneous when they are socializing. That’s the level you want get to.

Next time you’re in a conversation, talk without thinking. Stop putting pressure on yourself to say interesting, unexpected or funny things all the time. Sure, some conversation topics are better than others, but most of the time people talk about nothing significant. Over time this approach will feel natural.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Conquer Shyness – What to Say If I Don’t Know What to Say?

What is the Best Way to Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia?

 

Click Here for Help with Alzheimer’s, Other Types of Dementia and General Memory Loss

Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia – Moderate Amounts of This Drink Kills Your Brain

Everything is good in moderation, right?

Not so much, says a new study published in the journal BMJ.

In fact, drinking this common drink in “moderation” (often highly recommended by health experts) can drastically decrease your brain health and cognitive function over a few-year period.

Many studies show that moderate alcohol intake is beneficial for cardiovascular disease and a wide range of other health conditions.

But how about your brain?

Scientists took the data of 550 people collected by the Whitehall II cohort study.

At the beginning of the study, the subjects’ average age was 43 years.

They collected info on people’s alcohol intake and cognitive abilities periodically over 30 years.

They also took a multimodal magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan of their brains at the end of the study.

The researchers divided the participants into

– Light drinkers: 1–6 units of alcohol per week

– Moderate drinkers: 14–21 units of alcohol per week

– Heavy drinkers: more than 30 units of alcohol per week

The brain and cognitive functions of heavy drinkers were worse than the moderate drinkers who were, in turn, worse than the light drinkers.

In fact, there was no difference between the light drinkers and the complete abstainers on brain structure and cognitive abilities.

But the surprising finding is that moderate drinking is also bad for the brain.

One medium glass of wine (175 ml) contains two units of alcohol and so do 24 ounces of beer.

This means that one glass of wine or two beers a day will place you in the category of moderate drinkers, whose alcohol intake is too high for good brain health.

But there are ways to counteract this.

Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia – If you’re interested in boosting your brain health (and reverse dementia and memory loss), learn how to load your brain with the one ingredient it needs here …

Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia – Sleeplessness may cause Alzheimer’s

A critical predictor of future trouble with Alzheimer’s disease has been recently linked with the effects of chronic sleep debt and insomnia, as a study supported by the National Institute of Health revealed.

A product the body produces that has been very closely linked with people who develop Alzheimer’s disease has been blamed on lack of sleep recently.

Amyloid plaque is the culprit, and chronic sleep debt and insomnia is the cause, reports a study recently supported by NIH and the Ellison Foundation.

More research is ongoing to find the specific relationship between the buildup of this plaque and its association with insomnia. Yet one more reason to work at getting a full night’s sleep consistently.

The best way to conquer insomnia without harmful drugs…

Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia – Alzheimer’s Causes and Prevention

Alzheimer’s disease is a condition of pre-senile dementia. Though, millions of people today have Alzheimer’s disease, its cure is yet to be discovered. The road to freedom from Alzheimer’s, as of now appears a long one, as scientists and doctors are yet to unearth the causes of this disease.

Though, Alzheimer’s was first described in 1906, many misconceptions are still attached to this disease. Even today, most people incorrectly perceive Alzheimer’s as a disease in which elderly people lose all control over their mental faculties and memory. A lot of blame for this misconception goes to media, which has repeatedly portrayed Alzheimer’s as this.

Generally, the first signs of Alzheimer’s appear when a person is in forties or fifties.

Earliest symptoms include loss of short-term memory; the individual fails to recall recent events, such as whether he/she took the morning’s medicines.

Memory impairment is then followed by noticeable deterioration in the thought and speech process, such as being unable to do simple calculations, or inability to find words to describe simple items.

Alzheimer’s is a degenerative condition; as the disease progresses, the patients may become totally incapable of caring for themselves.

In recent times, researchers have made noticeable progress in understanding some of the important attributes of this disease, such as presence of high amount of tangles and plaques in the brain of Alzheimer’s patients.

Tangles and plaques are protein that accumulates in a human’s brain over time. While, tangles build up in inside the nerve cells, plaques accumulate in the gaps between nerve cells in the brain. While, in most people this build up happens naturally with aging, studies show the amount of plaque and tangles in the brain of Alzheimer’s patients is substantially more than found in normal people.

While the progress is heartening, certain roadblocks still need to be crossed. For instance, researches are yet to fully understand this build up or all the factors that facilitate it.

However, scientists have found certain factors that contribute to the increased build-up of tangles and plaques. These factors are:

• Family history
• Age
• Lifestyle

While, not much can be done about age or parentage, we do have control over our lifestyle. Studies indicate a balanced diet and regular physical activity can reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s.

Studies also show head injuries can lead to Alzheimer’s disease. Keeping our head protected by wearing helmet while driving a two-wheeler, or using a seat-belt while driving a car is in our control. So, take proper precautions to keep your head protected from injuries.

A healthy brain also reduces your chances of developing Alzheimer’s in future. Keep your brain active by doing activities that require you to focus and brainstorm. Daily devote some minutes to mentally stimulating activities, such as solving puzzles.

Further, studies show a direct correlation between a healthy heart and an active, healthy and vibrant brain.

For more ideas to reverse Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, watch these 2 videos –

What you can do to prevent Alzheimer’s | Lisa Genova

Dr. Dale Bredesen on Preventing and Reversing Alzheimer’s Disease

This post is from the Brain Booster Exercise Program created for the purpose of helping to reverse Alzheimer’s, boost memory. It was made by Christian Goodman Blue Heron health news that has been recognized as one of the top-quality national health information websites.  This is an all-natural system that utilizes the power of exercises to slow down, prevent, or even reverse memory loss and boost your brain with energy and power. These exercises work to deliver as much nutrition and oxygen to your starving brain as possible and begin the restoring of the damaged brain cells.

To find out more about this program, click on Reverse Alzheimer’s and Other Types of Dementia

Conquer Social Anxiety – Why Faking Confidence for a Socially Anxious Person Don’t Work?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Here’s Why You Can’t “Fake” Confidence If You Have Social Anxiety

One of the most common pieces of advice people will give you for your shyness or social anxiety is to “fake” confidence.

They’ll tell you to “act as if” you weren’t shy, nervous or anxious.

They’ll say stuff like “Don’t be shy, just pretend to be confident.”

Yeah, easy for them to say.

I don’t know about you, but if I had been able to act totally normal and confident despite my social anxiety, then I would have already been doing it.

Whenever I got that type of advice I would think to myself sarcastically: “Oh, wow, thanks. I don’t know how I never thought of that myself. Why haven’t I just pretended to be confident all these years. Gosh, it’s all so simple now. All these years struggling with my social anxiety and shyness and all I had to do was

PRETEND all this time? You’ve really helped me out here.”

Just like most bad advice socially anxious people get, the idea that you can “fake” confidence generally assumes that YOU are the one in control of your emotions and feelings.

In reality, the opposite is true. Shy and socially anxious people are the way they are because they really have no control over their emotions.

This means that they have almost no success trying to “force” themselves to feel confident.

Being Controlled by Your Emotions

Since shy and socially anxious people really can’t control the emotions they feel, they end up being controlled by their emotions. When you are controlled by your emotions, you start doing things like:

• Avoiding people who make you feel shy or nervous

• Avoiding public speaking because you feel anxious

• Not raising your hand in class because you feel afraid

And the worst part is, all this avoidance of your fear is actually making it worse. The more you avoid something, the more the fear of that thing builds up in your mind.

That’s why I always tell people with social anxiety that cutting down on their avoidance behavior is one of the first steps to getting better.

Acting in spite of fear is one of the things ANYONE who has overcome shyness or social anxiety has had to do. But, in order to act in spite of fear, you first have to have some control over your emotions. If your emotions control you, then you will just do what they tell you to: run away, avoid, hide.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Whenever I used to be shy I HATED being told to “just do it” and to “face fear,” but now that I look back, I realize that it was an absolutely essential part of getting over my social anxiety.

So when other people tell you to “fake” confidence, they are trying to help you control your emotions so you can get better. Unfortunately, nobody can truly control all of their emotions. And socially anxious people are the WORST at it.

(Well, maybe some Buddhist monks can, but I’m willing to bet you don’t want to move to the mountains and meditate every day.)

REALITY CHECK!

Okay, let’s get back to reality here.

It’s great for you to sit here now and read that you have to “act in spite of fear,” but what’s gonna happen once you get off the computer and go back to your life?

Chances are, when it comes time to “act in spite of fear,” you’ll fail.

You WON’T DO what you set out to do.

• You won’t raise your hand in class,

• or approach that attractive lady,

• or join Toastmasters to practice making speeches

And the question is: Why?

Why is it that all the advice out there that tells you “face fear” and “just ACT confident” FAIL MISERABLY when it comes to THE REAL WORLD?

Why Is It So Hard to Face Fear?

The reason why is because fear is the brain’s reaction to danger. When your brain thinks there is a threat to your survival, it immediately makes you feel fear, nervousness and anxiety.

The reason why you have shyness or social anxiety is because a certain part of your brain (the amygdala) has formed a connection between social situations and danger. Crazy as it sounds, a part of your brain actually thinks that making a bad impression on people would mean an immediate threat to your survival.

So if you try to act in spite of fear or other bad emotions, then all of your brain’s warning signals instantly light up, saying DANGER! DANGER!

Imagine how you would feel sticking your hand into the cage of a very hungry crocodile. Chances are, you would feel a “block” in your mind that would prevent you from sticking your hand in there no matter how hard you tried.

And, if you think about it, there’s a similar “block” in your mind when you feel social anxiety. Your words and actions feel inhibited and “held back” by your social anxiety.

This is why it’s so hard to “act” confident when you are feeling fear and anxiety.

You talk much quieter or your voice sounds weird in front of groups of people even though you can talk to one person alone and have your voice sound fine.

You can’t think of what to say when you feel anxious even though the words come easily when you are talking to someone you’re comfortable with.

You become very self-conscious when you feel other people are watching even though you can walk completely relaxed and natural at home.

Notice how fear has this automatic control over your actions. It’s EXTREMELY difficult to do things when you are afraid. When you feel fear, then just talking to a group of people can feel the same as sticking your hand in the crocodile cage.

Watch this video – How to Conquer Social Anxiety When You Meet New People

So What’s the Solution?

At the beginning of the post I said that acting confident is a way of trying to control your emotions that usually fails. Then I said you need to be able to have some control over your emotions to be able to act in spite of fear and overcome your social anxiety.

But then I gave you the reason why it’s almost impossible for a socially anxious person to “face fear” because your brain won’t let you. That’s why no matter how many times you hear the advice to get out and talk to people, you’re still stuck in your house mostly.

So what’s the solution? How can you stop being so controlled by your emotions so you can go into the situations you used to be scared of and not be overwhelmed?

Well, remember that the part of your brain called the amygdala is what makes you feel shy or socially anxious. It makes you feel fear and anxiety because it identifies certain social situations as dangerous.

So the solution is simple.

If you can stop your amygdala from identifying certain social situations as dangerous, then you won’t feel fear, nervousness, anxiety, or shyness in those situations. So the only solution to shyness or social anxiety that exists is to change the way your brain is “wired” on a deep level.

So bad advice like “act confident” doesn’t work because it simply doesn’t affect how your brain is wired.

And facing your fears usually doesn’t work by itself because you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

The real solution is to change the way your brain works. You have to change the way your amygdala reacts to social situations.

And how do you do this?

It takes a combination of changing your thinking patterns, lowering your anxious feelings, and changing your habits and behaviours.

The exact detailed steps you need to take are laid out in my e-book on shyness or social anxiety here. In it, I’ll give a detailed, step-by-step blueprint to re-wire your brain.

Anyone who has ever overcome shyness or social anxiety has had to follow the steps in this blueprint. The reason why is because the cause of shyness or social anxiety is in your brain, in your amygdala. So the only way out of social anxiety that’s permanent is to remove the very cause.

Check it out here for more information.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Conquer Social Anxiety ?