How to Overcome Depression and Low Self-Esteem?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do You Stay Inside Alone at Home All Day?

If you look at any forums for people with social anxiety, they are usually full of depressed people who…

• Stay inside their home for days at a time unless they absolutely need to go out.

• Have stopped taking showers for the past few weeks and say they’re starting to look like a hermit.

• Haven’t gone out to socialize for months … or years.

• Spend hours a day watching TV or browsing the internet.

And, if these problems weren’t enough, they also feel depressed and insecure, and have low self-esteem.

Maybe you aren’t as bad as this, or maybe this describes you perfectly.

In either case, this article will reveal how you can overcome the depression and low self-esteem caused by staying inside a lot.

The Cause of Depression and Low Self Esteem

The first thing to know is that beliefs cause feelings. Feelings like depression, insecurity and inferiority are caused by your thoughts and beliefs.

So let’s look at some of the beliefs people with social anxiety may have:

• I am not valuable. I am not good enough to be accepted as I am.

• I have no life. Other people always have more friends and exciting activities going on than me.

• I am ugly or have some physical flaw that makes me unattractive.

It’s important for you to understand that you didn’t just wake up one day with these beliefs. They formed over time through real evidence you picked up through your daily experience.

You don’t believe anything unless you have reasonable evidence or experiences to back it up.

Your Beliefs Are Like a Table

Your mind is constantly looking for evidence around you in order to determine your beliefs.

Here’s a useful analogy: Think of a belief as a table top. The legs are the supporting evidence.

So let’s look at how someone with social anxiety could form the belief “I’m not valuable.” This is what their table might look like.

Do you see how, with the evidence provided, the belief “I’m not valuable” is actually a reasonable one to have?

If you continually treat yourself in a way that shows you don’t value yourself, then you will eventually believe: “I must not be valuable.” This belief in particular is a major cause of depression and low self-esteem. (Self-esteem, in fact, is defined as “an individual’s estimate of his or her own worth.”)

So one of the first steps in curing social anxiety is changing the evidence you feed to your mind about yourself. You have to start behaving in a way that builds up beliefs like “I am valuable … I am worthy … I like myself.”

Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself

What does it mean to behave in a way that indicates you like yourself… that you value yourself?

Suppose you value your dog … You would probably feed it nutritious food, play with it in the park, and take it regularly to the park, etc…

Well, you’re no different. When you value yourself, you will take actions to take care of yourself. This means being decently healthy, watching what you eat at least a little, eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting down on the junk food, exercising occasionally, going outside to enjoy nature, maintaining your personal hygiene, taking showers often, shaving, cutting your hair, brushing your teeth, taking care of your skin, etc.

On the other hand, if you spend all week in your basement playing video games and eating junk food, then it’s going to be hard to suddenly feel great about yourself and have high self-esteem when you are around people.

What you do for yourself is determined by how much you value yourself. This means taking steps to actively improve yourself. Getting out of your comfort zone regularly, being productive, learning new things, taking classes, travelling, and enriching your life.

I honestly don’t know anyone who has high self-esteem who does not do most of these things.

Whenever you do something that shows your mind you value yourself, you are giving it new evidence. This new evidence becomes a leg that reinforce the belief “I am valuable” in your mind.

If you spend your day productively – you eat a healthy breakfast, hit the gym, learn something, accomplish something, and all the sudden your brain is bombarded with evidence that you’re WORTH something. Then you go out around people, and you feel less insecure.

You feel a new level of confidence you didn’t have before, a calm, steady feeling of self-esteem. You feel more entitled to express yourself and you stop holding other people in such high regard compared to you. And people will be able to tell that you feel good about yourself as a person. It’ll come across in your voice, eye contact and body language.

When you’re living in alignment – with the way you treat yourself feeding into beliefs that make you feel good about yourself, the world can tell and responds accordingly.

Ultimately, the way you feel about yourself is determined by the beliefs you hold about yourself and your value/worth. These beliefs are formed through the evidence you spend all day acquiring by observing your actions.

Are you worth it? Are you behaving like it?

If you think you can change your beliefs and deepest insecurities without changing your actions first, then you’re in for a life of sadness and depression.

You have to first act in a way that builds up the beliefs you want to have about yourself. When you act as though you value yourself, you can’t help but to start feeling good about yourself.

Watch this video – How I Overcome Depression and Low Self-Esteem

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Overcome Depression and Low Self-Esteem?

Instant Shyness Cure – 3 Reasons Your Family May Be Holding You Back

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do you ever feel more shy around your family?

Do you feel weird being around people your own age when someone in your family is around?

How about talking to someone of the opposite sex when your parents are watching?

Does it feel weird when you try to be more outgoing and sometimes seem like your family wants you to keep being shy?

There are several reasons why you feel this way, and 3 major ones:

Reason 1: You Care What They Think

This is the biggie. It’s hard not to care what your family thinks. You may worry they judge how you act, who you know or what clothes you wear. If you’re a teenager or living at or near your parent’s home, it can be even more difficult.

One way to stop caring so much is to get a life. I mean it. Seek out new friends, new interests, and outside groups. If you have a life outside of the house you’ll stop caring as much about what your family thinks because they will become only part of your life, instead of being there always.

By the way, I know “get outside interests and friends” is a lot easier to say than it is to actually do. I know what it’s like to be shy and feel stuck inside the house. It’s like having an invisible barrier holding you down and you wish something would just “snap” and make your life better.

Reason 2: Won’t They Notice If You Change?

You’re afraid of suddenly acting more confident and talking less quiet because you don’t want your family to notice. This goes back to Reason 1, But there’s actually a much easier solution for this feeling.

Yes, they may notice you changing, but they won’t mind. If they do, it’s because they feel like they’re “losing control” over you. Some outgoing people feel more important around shy people because they like being able to boss them around and dominate over them. If your family doesn’t want you to change, hang around them less (see #1).

Also, it’s generally expected that shy people need some time to “break out of their shell”. You won’t really be surprising anyone.

Reason 3: They Know You’re Shy

It’s very hard to change the impression of you that your family has built up over many years. Maybe they see you as “a shy person”. The worst part about this is, the impression they’ve built up is like an elastic band. There’s no way to gradually make them see you as a more and more confident person. It will just snap back to “shy guy/girl”.

Get away for a bit. If you’re leaving for college or moving to a new, faraway job soon, that would be the best solution.

If they only start to see you occasionally, instead of every day, they will have to re-evaluate and change their initial impression of you. They expect you to change if they haven’t seen you for a while. There’s also a second bonus to getting away.

People Have Expectations They Expect You to Live Up To

People generally behave as others expect them to behave. If your friends know you are shy, they won’t like it if you are suddenly loud. That’s not because they don’t want you to stop being shy, but it just seems weird.

An outgoing, funny guy who is well-known will have every one’s attention as soon as he enters a room. That’s because everybody expects him to be outgoing and funny, and he plays into that expectation.

Imagine travelling to a new city. You could hop onto an airplane, and in a few hours, you’re in a totally different place. You could be whoever you want to be in that place. That’s the feeling “getting away” gives you.

In a different place, where no one has any expectations of what kind of person you are, you can “pretend” to be confident and change a lot more rapidly.

It’s like an instant shyness cure.

Summary

In this article, here’s what you’ve read:

• There are many reasons for you to feel like your family is holding you back from changing.

• What it all comes down to is you caring what they think. You can start caring less by building interests outside of your home and eventually, by having a social life.

• They may notice if you start changing. Usually it’s expected for a shy person to take some time to “break out of your shell”.

• They know you’re shy, and expect you to continue being the same person. One way to get around this is to get away from your family for a bit. Move away, and only see them occasionally. Maybe it’s college or a new job.

• Getting away from your family for a bit will give you the opportunity to meet people who don’t know you’re shy and you can “pretend” to be confident. This is the fastest way to change.

To get more ideas about instant shyness cure, watch this video – 8 Proven Ways to Stop Being Shy And Quiet

If you want to learn some cutting edge techniques and strategies for making REAL progress with your shyness or social anxiety, check out my e-book.

I guarantee it’s the best information out there, and to put my money where my mouth is, I even offer an unconditional 60-day money back guarantee. If my techniques don’t work for you or you just don’t like the e-book for ANY reason, just contact me and I’ll refund all of your money.

If you haven’t checked it out yet, I seriously recommend you do by clicking here.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Instant Shyness Cure

Stop Shyness Fast – How to Become Less Shy and More Confident?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Shyness Vs Introversion – Which One Do You Have?

Most people think that being “shy” and being “introverted” are the same thing. They use the two words as if they are identical.

In reality there’s a huge difference between shyness and introversion.

In this post, I’ll show you what this difference is, and how you can tell which one of the two you fit into.

Introverted People Have a Preference

First I’m going to explain what introversion is. Someone who is introverted likes to be alone more than the “average” person.

They may enjoy solitary activities like playing video games or reading books. They may also dislike group activities like going out to bars or socializing. Introverts also usually have fewer and closer friends than extroverts, who tend to have many more friends.

In short, being an introvert comes down to a personal preference. You prefer to spend more of your free time by yourself. It comes down to choosing to do what you personally enjoy. It’s the same as choosing to eat a certain food because you like how it tastes. Introversion is all about YOU.

Shy People Have a Fear

Shyness is totally different from introversion. Shyness isn’t a preference, but a fear.

When you are shy, you are constantly worried and afraid about what other people think of you. You care a lot about how you are coming across to others. Your fear of other people’s opinions makes you self-conscious, inhibited and quiet, especially around strangers.

Shyness is basically a nice word for fear. Unlike introverts, who prefer to “keep to themselves,” shy people may “keep to themselves” simply because they are avoiding anxiety, discomfort and fear.

Shyness is not about you and your preferences, but about OTHER PEOPLE.

Worrying about how other people perceive you and whether they will disapprove of you.

Which One Do You Have?

So what’s the difference between shyness and introversion? Shyness is a fear of other people’s negative opinion and reactions, while introversion is a preference to spend time alone and has nothing to do with fear.

How can you figure out whether you’re shy or introverted? Pay attention to how you feel inside when you are around people. Imagine you have to make a speech in front of a group of people and think about how you would feel inside.

If you would feel anxious, tense, scared, or nervous, then you have shyness. You have a fear of the situation. Other symptoms of shyness include not knowing what to say, being too quiet, or having physical reactions like sweating, shaking or blushing. 

Someone who is shy may spend a lot of time by themselves, not because they prefer to, but because they want to avoid the fear and other uncomfortable feelings they get when they are put under the pressure of other people’s eyes.

On the other hand, if you can make presentations to groups comfortably and talk to other people with ease, but you still spend a lot of your time by yourself, then you are probably introverted. If you don’t feel fear or anxiety around people, but you still choose to be by yourself, then it probably means you have a preference for being solitary.

Shyness Is a Problem, Introversion Isn’t

In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with someone who enjoys spending time alone. Everybody is different and has different personal tastes in the types of activities they enjoy. Some people just don’t enjoy being a social butterfly and that’s fine.

However, I take a different stand on shyness. Shyness, which is basically the fear of other people’s negative judgement, is a problem that should be tackled head-on. It’s a problem because it isn’t voluntary: people can’t choose whether or not to be anxious and nervous around others.

The bottom line is: shyness makes your life worse, not better. Shy people would usually love to have more friends and get a better social life, but their fear stops them from doing what they want. Removing this fear is a worthwhile goal that will improve your quality of life.

Watch this video – 5 practical steps to become less shy and more confident.

If you have shyness and want to find out a way to overcome it, then check out this page to find out how I went from a shy, insecure loner to a socially confident guy.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Become Less Shy and More Confident?

Beat Social Anxiety – How to Stop Constant Daydreaming and Thinking

 CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do You Daydream, Think A Lot, and Live Inside Your Head?

Do you often wander off into your own thoughts?

Do you daydream and “zone out” many times a day?

Do you always talk to yourself in your head almost to the point that you are living inside your head instead of out in the real world?

If so, then you’re not alone. I used to be a huge daydreamer. I would always be thinking about things and fantasizing about things happening. Whether I was by myself or with other people.

I was always lost inside my own thoughts and payed little attention to the outside world. And I didn’t even realize how often I was doing it until one day, in high school, someone mentioned that I was a daydreamer.

At that point I started to become aware of how often I was caught up in my own thoughts, getting lost in my own inner world. I was always absent from the real world because I was thinking to myself constantly.

It almost felt like I was cut off from the world, just looking into it but not interacting with it. I felt trapped. It was very difficult to socialize with other people because I was never “there.”

It would be many years after this realization that I would learn that many people with shyness and social anxiety suffer from the same dilemma. Constantly caught up in their thoughts, daydreaming, being absent mentally from the people around them and the outer world.

If this describes you, then this post is going to change the way you live.

Why Are You Constantly Thinking and Daydreaming?

Why is it that people with shyness and social anxiety daydream so much? Why is it such a common problem for them compared to “regular” people?

My guess is that it’s a form of partial avoidance. To understand what partial avoidance is, you first have to know what avoidance is.

Avoidance is when someone who has social anxiety avoids the situations that make them feel anxious. They may avoid doing speeches in school. They may see someone they know walking towards them down the street and quickly try to find ways to avoid them. They may even get to the point of staying inside their house all day. These are all examples of avoidance. You avoid the people, places, and situations that make you feel anxious.

So now what does partial avoidance mean? Partial avoidance is a little more subtle than regular avoidance.

Partial avoidance means that you avoid situations mentally instead of physically. Instead of avoiding the situation by not going into it physically, you avoid it with your mind. You are distancing yourself from the anxiety-provoking situation you are in through using distractions, daydreaming, and so on.

Partial avoidance is usually mental avoidance of the thing you fear. In the case of social anxiety, that probably means being around people.

Basically, if you feel anxious just being around people, then your mind may start to daydream and get lost in thought so you don’t have to “face” the situation fully. It’s a way of lessening the unpleasant feeling of anxiety.

Escaping a Painful Reality

Another possible reason why people with shyness or social anxiety daydream a lot is to escape their current situation. If you are shy, if you don’t have a lot of friends, if you don’t really like yourself, then you may try to escape from that reality.

You may begin to use your thoughts to live a life that your shyness or social anxiety holds you back from.

If you’re too nervous to ask out a girl you like, then you may fantasize about going out with her in your head. If you are too shy to speak up, then you may imagine yourself doing it. If you aren’t assertive enough to do something you want to do, or be the person you want to be, then you may live these things out in your head instead.

All of these examples illustrate one fundamental thing: using your thoughts to escape reality. You create a new reality in your head that is much closer to the one you’d like to be in. It’s the reality that would exist if you didn’t have the social fear or excessive social inhibition holding you back.

In a nutshell, your shyness or social anxiety stop you from living the life you want, which causes you to get stuck in your head, which just makes it harder to overcome your shyness or anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.

To learn how to stop constant daydreaming and thinking, watch this video –

Maladaptive Daydreaming & Extreme Fantasizing | How to Control It

Learning How to Become Present

Now that you know a couple possible reasons why you daydream and live in your head, the question is: how can you fix it? How do you stop being absent to the world? How do you stop escaping it through excessive thoughts and daydreaming?

It took me a long time to figure out the answer to these questions, but I finally found it. And I found it in the unlikeliest of places.

A couple years ago, a friend recommended to me a book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s a book that explains the basics of meditation and how to be present to the moment. Since I like to read a lot, I decided to give it a shot.

The book rocked my world. No kidding.

This was the book that helped me stop constant daydreaming and thinking. I was finally able to stop the inner mental noise and be “present” to the world instead of lost in my own thoughts.

Essentially, the book teaches you how to quiet your thoughts so that you are able to live more in the present moment. It does this through several different mental exercises that you need to do regularly. The exercises are closely related to meditation.

If you have problems daydreaming and thinking too much, then this book gets my highest recommendation. You can purchase it at Amazon or most local bookstores.

Of course, if you don’t want to read a whole book just to learn how to become present, then there is another option for you…

In my e-book, I wrote a chapter called “Mindfulness and Being Present.” In this chapter, I took the most important techniques and tools from “The Power of Now,” as well as other books and my own personal experience. I then combined and summarized them in a way that someone with social anxiety can quickly learn how to stop daydreaming and thinking too much.

So if you want to “get straight to the goods,” so to speak, without having to read a whole book, then you can download my e-book here.

Whichever option you choose, don’t let this opportunity pass you by. If you’ve read this far, then you have probably had this problem for years, if not forever. Use this post as a wake-up call. You can do something about it. Don’t wait to live.

 By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Stop Constant Daydreaming and Thinking?

Dealing with Difficult People When You Have Social Anxiety

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do you ever get very nervous and anxious when you have to talk to a difficult person?

What do I mean by “difficult person”? I mean someone who gets upset or angry easily. Someone who is negative, critical, and controlling.

When you have social anxiety, it can be very stressful to talk to these types of people.

Why is it particularly difficult to talk to them if you have social anxiety? It’s because social anxiety basically boils down to a fear of disapproval. This means that you’re going to feel the most anxious around people who are most likely to suddenly and severely disapprove of you.

And the bad thing is, these difficult people are everywhere. They could be one of your parents, grandparents, siblings, co-workers, boss, and so on. You may be forced to deal with one or more of them every day.

This post will show you the way to lower the amount of anxiety and stress you feel when around them.

Certain People May Trigger Social Anxiety in Early Childhood

As a side tangent, difficult people may also have played a part in forming your social anxiety. If one of your parents or relatives was one of these “difficult” people while you were growing up, they could have originally set off your social anxiety. Being around a certain type of adult in childhood often causes social anxiety to begin.

I still remember the day I found out about this. I was reading a book about the causes of shyness when I ran across this quote:

“People with shyness usually behave as if there is someone around them who is negative, critical, and controlling.”

When I read this, I had a huge realization as to the cause of my own social anxiety.

And maybe this will shed some light onto your own past. Think about it: was there anyone in your early childhood who was negative, critical, and controlling? If there was, then they’re the ones who may have originally “triggered” your social anxiety and fear of disapproval.

Of course, it’s too late to go back now and stop your social anxiety from beginning. All you can do now is accept your social anxiety or shyness now that you have it and be proactive about overcoming it.

You Feel More Anxious Around “Difficult” People

If there is someone in your life who is very negative, critical, and controlling, and who disapproves of you often for little reason, then you will feel a lot more anxious around them.

Why?

It’s because the amount of anxiety you feel is directly related to how likely you think disapproval will happen. In other words, you’re going to feel the most anxiety around those people who are most likely to disapprove of you.

Re-read that last paragraph a few times. It’s VERY important.

Isn’t it true? You feel most anxious around people who often disapprove of you? And around them you may also have symptoms such as:

• Faster heart rate and breathing
• Paling or flushing
• Dryness of mouth
• Shaking

All of these are symptoms of the fight-or-flight reaction which I’ve written about before. When you feel anxious around difficult people, then you’re sometimes also going to feel these symptoms.

How to Deal with It

Alright, so now that you have some background knowledge of how difficult people affect your shyness or social anxiety, now the question is: what can you do about it?

The good news is you CAN get rid of your anxiety around difficult people. The bad news is, there’s no instant cure.

Just like any part of social anxiety, you have to desensitize yourself over time and gain exposure to the thing which makes you feel anxiety. In this case, that means not avoiding the difficult person.

Of course, exposure by itself is not enough. You probably know that by now. Plenty of people go to or work or schools for years and never get rid of their social anxiety. So if all you do is exposure, then your anxiety probably won’t go away.

To get rid of anxiety, you have to combine the exposure with:

Relaxation coping techniques – Be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly.

And changing the way your mind works. (In psychology, this is called “cognitive restructuring.”)

The last point is probably the most important. Changing the way your mind works is the step that permanently removes the anxiety from your brain. The question is, how can you change the way your mind works? The best place to learn is through my e-book.

I dedicate over half of the pages in my e-book to a section called “Changing The Way You Think” which shows you how to do exactly that.

The section in my e-book is a comprehensive summary of all of the techniques and knowledge I’ve learned and developed myself for overcoming my own social anxiety and helping many, many others do the same.

I truly believe that no other book out there can compare when it comes to changing yourself and your inner thought processes from someone with shyness or social anxiety to someone who is confident and self-assured.

For more ideas on how to deal with difficult people if you have social anxiety, watch the 3 videos below –

How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

5 Ways to Disarm Toxic People

15 Ways Intelligent People Deal With Difficult and Toxic People

If you want to learn more, check it out here.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Deal with Difficult People If You Have Social Anxiety?