Do you ever get very nervous and anxious when you have to talk to a difficult person?
What do I mean by “difficult person”? I mean someone who gets upset or angry easily. Someone who is negative, critical, and controlling.
When you have social anxiety, it can be very stressful to talk to these types of people.
Why is it particularly difficult to talk to them if you have social anxiety? It’s because social anxiety basically boils down to a fear of disapproval. This means that you’re going to feel the most anxious around people who are most likely to suddenly and severely disapprove of you.
And the bad thing is, these difficult people are everywhere. They could be one of your parents, grandparents, siblings, co-workers, boss, and so on. You may be forced to deal with one or more of them every day.
Certain People May Trigger Social Anxiety in Early Childhood
As a side tangent, difficult people may also have played a part in forming your social anxiety. If one of your parents or relatives was one of these “difficult” people while you were growing up, they could have originally set off your social anxiety. Being around a certain type of adult in childhood often causes social anxiety to begin.
I still remember the day I found out about this. I was reading a book about the causes of shyness when I ran across this quote:
“People with shyness usually behave as if there is someone around them who is negative, critical, and controlling.”
When I read this, I had a huge realization as to the cause of my own social anxiety.
And maybe this will shed some light onto your own past. Think about it: was there anyone in your early childhood who was negative, critical, and controlling? If there was, then they’re the ones who may have originally “triggered” your social anxiety and fear of disapproval.
Of course, it’s too late to go back now and stop your social anxiety from beginning. All you can do now is accept your social anxiety or shyness now that you have it and be proactive about overcoming it.
You Feel More Anxious Around “Difficult” People
If there is someone in your life who is very negative, critical, and controlling, and who disapproves of you often for little reason, then you will feel a lot more anxious around them.
Why?
It’s because the amount of anxiety you feel is directly related to how likely you think disapproval will happen. In other words, you’re going to feel the most anxiety around those people who are most likely to disapprove of you.
Re-read that last paragraph a few times. It’s VERY important.
Isn’t it true? You feel most anxious around people who often disapprove of you? And around them you may also have symptoms such as:
Faster heart rate and breathing
Paling or flushing
Dryness of mouth
Shaking
All of these are symptoms of the fight-or-flight reaction which I’ve written about before. When you feel anxious around difficult people, then you’re sometimes also going to feel these symptoms.
How to Deal with It
Alright, so now that you have some background knowledge of how difficult people affect your shyness or social anxiety, now the question is: what can you do about it?
The good news is you CAN get rid of your anxiety around difficult people. The bad news is, there’s no instant cure.
Just like any part of social anxiety, you have to desensitize yourself over time and gain exposure to the thing which makes you feel anxiety. In this case, that means not avoiding the difficult person.
Of course, exposure by itself is not enough. You probably know that by now. Plenty of people go to or work or schools for years and never get rid of their social anxiety. So if all you do is exposure, then your anxiety probably won’t go away.
Relaxation coping techniques – Be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly.
And changing the way your mind works. (In psychology, this is called “cognitive restructuring.”)
The last point is probably the most important. Changing the way your mind works is the step that permanently removes the anxiety from your brain. The question is, how can you change the way your mind works? The best place to learn is through my e-book.
I dedicate over half of the pages in my e-book to a section called “Changing The Way You Think” which shows you how to do exactly that.
The section in my e-book is a comprehensive summary of all of the techniques and knowledge I’ve learned and developed myself for overcoming my own social anxiety and helping many, many others do the same.
I truly believe that no other book out there can compare when it comes to changing yourself and your inner thought processes from someone with shyness or social anxiety to someone who is confident and self-assured.
For more ideas on how to deal with difficult people if you have social anxiety, watch the 3 videos below –
By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.
Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour.
The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.
What’s more, this spice is dirt cheap and can be found in all supermarkets.
Prediabetes involves many of the same symptoms that diabetesdoes, including high blood glucose and glucose tolerance. But it is not as out-of-control and is still easier to treat than diabetes. For this reason, it is important to find ways to prevent prediabetes from progressing to diabetes.
To confirm or possibly disprove the findings of previous studies, researchers decided to test the effectiveness of cinnamon on prediabetes sufferers. They recruited 39 participants from the Kyung Hee University Medical Center in Seoul and another 12 from the Joslin Diabetes Center in Boston, Massachusetts.
All of the participants were adults with high fasting glucose, defined as between 100 and 125 mg/dL, and impaired glucose tolerance, defined as a 2-hour plasma glucose level of 140-199 mg/dL.
The subjects were divided into two groups: one that received a 500 mg capsule of cinnamon powder three times a day, and one that received a placebo consisting of a capsule with cellulose and cinnamon coloring and flavor.
The subjects took the capsules for 12 weeks and their prediabetes parameters were tested at the beginning of the study and again after six and 12 weeks.
Over the 12 weeks, fasting glucose increased by approximately five mg/dL in the placebo group but remained constant in the cinnamon treatment group.
Compared with the placebo group, the cinnamon group also displayed a smaller area under the curve for plasma glucose following the two-hour oral glucose tolerance test: 19,946 compared with 21,389 mg/dL, to be precise.
Regarding glucose tolerance, the cinnamon also did a good job. Two hours after the oral glucose tolerance test, the cinnamon group had blood glucose levels between 20 and 27 mg/dL lower than those of the placebo group, showing that glucose cleared better and faster from their blood because of the cinnamon.
There were no significant differences between the two groups after six weeks, suggesting that the effects of cinnamon probably only last while taking the supplement.
It is a pity the study did not continue for longer to see whether the benefits of the cinnamon supplements increased even further after 12 weeks of use.
Well, that may not be the right advice if researchers from Maastricht University Medical Centre are right. They published their findings in the December 2017 edition of the journal Diabetologia.
Yes, you must move, but in a very specific way.
Some medical specialists believe diseases result from a lack of vigorous exercise, while others believe diseases stem from too much sedentary time.
If the latter is the case, medical authorities can prescribe regular walking, instead of a heavy exercise routine to stay healthy.
The Dutch researchers recruited 19 patients with type 2 diabetes, gave them all the same diet, and assigned them to one of three groups:
1. A sitting group that sat for 14 hours, stood up for one hour, and leisurely walked around for one hour per day (4,415 steps.)
2. An exercise group that leisurely walked 4,823 steps, moderately to vigorously cycled 1.1 hours, and sat for the rest of the day (also approximately 14 hours.)
3. A sit less group that stood up for three hours and walked leisurely for two hours (17,502 steps) by breaking up their sitting bouts every 30 minutes.
The exercise and sit less programs were designed to burn the same number of calories.
After four days of this, the groups swapped, until all three groups had done all three programs.
While both the exercise and sit less programs reduced their average glucose levels over a 24-hour period, the sit less program was more effective at countering their resistance to insulin.
As such, the sit less program may even be better than the exercise program.
Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms – These Berries Reverse Type 2 Diabetes
The berries in the study I’ll be telling you about today are so powerful that in the highest intake they were proven as effective as common type 2 diabetes drugs.
And that is without causing any side effects.
What’s more, the study subjects taking these berries gained no weight – even those who consumed quite an unhealthy diet.
The catch is, however, that the berries need to be prepared in a very specific way.
Researchers have long known that specific nutrients in berries, named anthocyanins, have a beneficial effect on people with type 2 diabetes. That is why the American Association of Diabetes recommends that diabetics eat large amounts of berries.
In the last few years, medical scientists also realized that they could increase the concentration of anthocyanins in berries by fermenting them.
Based on this discovery, academics at the University of Illinois started wondering whether an alcohol-free berry wine would be an even better natural dietary addition for diabetics than normal berries. They used an alcohol-free beverage because alcohol is sugar-rich and may increase, instead of reduce blood sugar.
They first gave mice a high-fat and high-sugar diet for a couple of weeks to induce type 2 diabetes.
They then made a fermented berry drink with 70 percent of blackberries and 30 percent of blueberries by first fermenting the berries in low temperatures, and then replacing the alcohol with water.
They divided the diabetic mice into five groups:
– The first received pure water to drink – The second received the diabetes drug sitagliptin. – The other three received the fermented berry drink with three different
concentrations of anthocyanins: high, medium, and low.
They found that the mice given the fermented drinks had lower blood glucose levels than those given the water, and that they put on no weight, even while they were on a seriously unhealthy diet.
In addition, their bodies managed to deposit glucose in their muscles and organs where it was used as energy.
Finally, they showed less oxidative stress and less systemic inflammation, two of the main contributing factors not only to diabetes, but also to heart disease.
The mice that were given the fermented drink with the highest concentration anthocyanins benefited as much as those on the diabetes drug.
Unfortunately, this berry drink is not available in the shops, and fermenting berries at home will probably produce products with too much sugar to match these effects.
Mentioning alcohol-free grape wine that is already produced for diabetics, the authors recommend that wine makers use this research to produce an alcohol-free berry wine. Hopefully we’ll see more varieties on the market soon.
This post is from the 3 Steps Diabetes Strategy Program. It was created by Jodi Knapp from Blue Heron health news that has been recognized as one of the top-quality national health information websites.
In this program, Jodi Knapp shares practical tips and advice on how you can prevent and cure diabetes naturally. She also dispels myths commonly associated with diabetes, like for example, diabetes being a lifelong condition. There are also lots of information going around that is simply not true and she’s here to correct it.
Diabetes is a disease, and it can be cured. This is just one of the important tips Jodi reveals in her program. Also, she included several ways in preventing the onset of disease, choosing the right food to eat, recommended vitamin supplements, the right time of the day to take the blood sugar and many more.
But the most amazing thing would have to be her program which only takes 3 simple steps to help you to control & treat type 2 diabetes. What it does is cure diabetes without having to rely on expensive drugs, diets that make sufferers crave for even more food they are not supposed to eat, and exercise programs that make people feel tired and depressed.
Nervous Around Family or Relatives? Here’s Why & 4 Tips to Fix It
In this post I’ll show you why you feel nervous, anxious or shy when around family or other relatives. I’ll also show you 4 tips you can use today to fix it.
I figured this was the perfect topic because the holidays are here.
The holidays mean you will be FORCED to socialize more than normal. You may have to talk to people you don’t connect with that well and maybe even don’t like.
I’m talking about those relatives or family friends who you don’t know what to talk about with. Or your grandma who points out how quiet you are at the dinner table. Or that annoying uncle who asks every year if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet.
So I wanted to share with you some deep insights and quick tips to help you deal with these issues, so you can have a more enjoyable and relaxing holiday season. The best part is, these tips will not only help you with family and relatives, but they will allow you to be less nervous around pretty much anyone.
It feels refreshing to be visiting my family for a couple weeks during the holidays. We get to spend time together and catch up on all the new things happening in each other’s lives. We can enjoy the holiday meals together. Later we’ll celebrate Christmas and open our presents. We can connect at this time of the year easier than any other time. Everyone’s in one place, and school/work are out of the way for a bit.
But, To Be Honest … It Wasn’t Always Like This
In the past I actually HATED the holidays. It was my least favourite part of the year, besides my birthday.
The holidays meant I would be forced to be in the same room as relatives I never talked to. I would usually try to hide away in my room. But if this was impossible, then I would be nervous and awkward at the dinner table.
I hated it when someone would make a comment about me … maybe about how “quiet” I was. Or maybe someone would ask me if I had a girlfriend yet — and then everyone would watch me become uncomfortable and laugh.
Yup, I absolutely dreaded the holidays before.
Now, it’s all changed. I don’t feel the same anxiety or nervousness I did before. I don’t try to avoid talking to people. I feel comfortable at the dinner table, instead of tense and uptight. I can actually relax and enjoy spending time with my family and other relatives.
What happened to make me change?
I figured out the psychology BEHIND why I felt shyness and social anxiety, and this allowed me to fix it. In this article, I’ll share a big insight into why you’re nervous around your family and relatives. Then I’ll give you a 4 practical tips to fix this issue.
I’ll start with the insight. The basic reason why you’re nervous around family and relatives comes down to…
Who’s in Control?
A lot of confidence comes from how in control we feel we are in our lives.
As kids, we have almost no control. Our parents and relatives need to have the control so we survive and make the right long-term decisions. But as we grow older and slowly become adults, the balance of power usually shifts. You start to get more and more control over the decisions you make and the direction your life takes.
At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.
Unfortunately, many people love a feeling of power and will cling onto whatever little power they feel they have. This includes many parents. I’m sure you can think of some people in your own life that continue to try to control their kid’s life a lot longer than they should. They may be your own parents or someone else’s.
(This is the reason why “teenage rebellion” is so common, by the way. Getting tattoos, a weird hairstyle or breaking rules are all attempts at establishing control over one’s own life. It’s a way of getting a feeling of independence. In psychology, this process is called individuation, and it’s actually a healthy thing to do.)
So you may be nervous and feel less confident around your family or relatives because you’re afraid of losing control. You want to remain the one in charge of your life, and it’s harder to do that when you’re around people who have been able to control you in the past. (And who may feel like they deserve to continue controlling you now.)
How can people control you?
By giving you unwanted life advice about what you should do in the future.
By making you do things you don’t want to do — like chores or spending time with relatives you dislike.
By making you conform to their way of thinking and their value systems. You’re not allowed to or afraid to express a conflicting opinion.
But the most common and most sneaky method of control is…
Emotional Control
This is about who has control over how you feel inside. The big question is: Are you in control or are you ALLOWING other people to manipulate the way you feel?
Most people believe that they are in control of their feelings more than other people, but it’s really not true. When you feel nervousness or anxietyabout what someone says or thinks about you, it shows that they have control over how you feel.
For example: When someone calls you quiet or shy and you feel bad … or makes a comment about something that you are insecure about and you feel uncomfortable … then they have control over how you feel. Their action or comment caused you to feel a certain way.
(One thing that used to really bug me was when a relative asked me if I had a girlfriend yet. For other people this could be their weight, lack of financial success or any other insecurity.)
I could give a million more examples.
The point is this: Shyness and social anxiety basically come down to being overly emotionally invested in someone else’s opinion of you. You probably already know this — it’s what some people call “caring too much what people think.”
When you are emotionally invested in someone, then you give them control over how you feel about yourself.
So the real question is: How can you become LESS emotionally invested and stop having other people control the way you feel about yourself?
Now, the topic of becoming not emotionally invested in what people think of you is something that I can’t explain in this short article. I cover the topic deeply in my system.
Instead, here’s a few quick tips for regaining control over how you feel about yourself. Once you start seeing that YOU can be the one in charge of how you feel, then you will become much more relaxed around people. You’ll stop letting others make you feel awkward, insecure or nervous .
How to Stay Emotionally in Control
1. Realize That YOU Are the Source of Insecurity
In other words, nobody can make you feel insecure or uncomfortable about something you weren’t already feeling self-critical about.
I gave the example above about how I always became uncomfortable and awkward whenever someone asked whether I had a girlfriend yet. The truth is, the reason why I felt uncomfortable was because I was already feeling inferior for not having a girlfriend. I was already feeling like a loser about it, and I was afraid of having this “defect” or imperfection exposed.
These days, since I have now dated plenty of girls and had a girlfriend, I don’t feel insecure when a relative asks me if I have a girlfriend. I am comfortable with myself in this area of life, instead of feeling like I have a flaw I need to hide.
Think about how this applies to any other insecurity you may have. Are you worried that one of your relatives will comment about how quiet, fat, skinny, short or antisocial you are? If you are, then it shows you that you are uncomfortable with some part of yourself. The best way to fix this is to learn unconditional self-acceptance, something I teach in my system.
Think about it. If a skinny person gets called fat, then they will just laugh and take it as a joke. Only someone who is already feeling self-critical about being overweight will feel uncomfortable or offended.
Which brings to the second tip…
2. How to Respond to Annoying Comments from Relatives
The best way to respond to those comments that make you feel nervous, uncomfortable or annoyed is in a calm and straightforward way. There’s no need to be clever or get emotional. Just try to remain in control and don’t react too strongly.
Did someone call you quiet? You can either ignore them, or just say something like “Yeah I’m being pretty quiet right now.” This is how someone who isn’t feeling insecure about it would react. Answer in a calm, straightforward way and then move on.
Another technique is to interpret what the person said as a joke. For example, when I started to overcome my shyness, then sometimes relatives would point out that I was acting more confident or dressing differently. If someone makes a comment like this, then you can just laugh as if it’s a joke and then move on.
One last technique for dealing with annoying comments. This one is called “Agree and Amplify.” You just take whatever the other person said, agree with it, and then make it worse.
For example, if someone says “You’re so quiet.” Then you agree with what they said and then exaggerate it in a funny way. A good reply could be: “Yeah I’m so quiet. I’m just sitting here like a mouse.”
Or if someone points out that you gained weight (and they’re not being too rude) then you could say “Yeah, it’s because I just love eating chocolate chip cookies too much.”
3. The Opposite of Nervousness Is Not Confidence, But Relaxation
Most people who have shyness or social anxiety are too worried about acting confident. Don’t worry about looking confident, instead focus on making sure you are staying relaxed.
When you are relaxed, your awkwardness, nervousness and anxiety go away. And confidence comes only after you are feeling relaxed. These two techniques (be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly)for coping with anxiety are extremely effective because you can do them anywhere. They are very simple and straightforward to do, but don’t underestimate the power of them.
Next time you are feeling nervous before a big family dinner or party, walk into it remembering to focus on doing these techniques. The key is that you need to actually do these techniques when you feel nervous and anxious. You will probably forget to do them the first few times you need to. It takes some time to make it a habit to remember to use these techniques.
I promise you that once you start using them consistently, you’ll be amazed by the results.
4. Speak Up by Looking for Conversational Threads
Okay, so that takes care of dealing with uncomfortable comments and feeling less nervous, but there’s another big problem.
What about those situations when you just don’t know what to say to a relative you barely talk to?
You back? Good.
Now you know about conversation threading. So next time you’re at the dinner table sitting next to your Aunt, make sure to keep an ear out for these “threads” and then comment on them.
The big secret is: You don’t need to think of new, original things to say, you just have to learn to use the responses people give you. This is how you can talk to people easily and naturally, without running out of things to say or sitting there with a blank mind.
I hope these tips help you with being less nervous, awkward and uncomfortable this holiday season. They definitely helped me get to where I am today.
I also hope you had a couple of insights into the psychology behind shyness and social anxiety. Ideas like emotional investment, and realizing that you need to take back control of how you feel are very important.
The problem is, I didn’t really get a chance to tell you the main strategy of HOW to overcome these big issues. Even a long article like this one can only scratch the surface and give a few tips.
That’s why I created my program called “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.” I recently updated the whole system and DOUBLED the amount of techniques and strategies in it. I also turned it into an 8.5-hour audio program that you can just sit back and listen to instead of an e-book. This program is designed to totally reprogram your personality using the latest tricks in psychology.
So if you want to learn my complete and total system for rapidly overcoming shyness or social anxiety, then click here.
– Sean
By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.
Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour.
The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.
