4 Tips to Be More Comfortable Around Family or Relatives

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Nervous Around Family or Relatives? Here’s Why & 4 Tips to Fix It

In this post I’ll show you why you feel nervous, anxious or shy when around family or other relatives. I’ll also show you 4 tips you can use today to fix it.

I figured this was the perfect topic because the holidays are here.

This is that time of year when people get together more often. This is usually bad news for someone who has shyness or social anxiety.

The holidays mean you will be FORCED to socialize more than normal. You may have to talk to people you don’t connect with that well and maybe even don’t like.

I’m talking about those relatives or family friends who you don’t know what to talk about with. Or your grandma who points out how quiet you are at the dinner table. Or that annoying uncle who asks every year if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet.

So I wanted to share with you some deep insights and quick tips to help you deal with these issues, so you can have a more enjoyable and relaxing holiday season. The best part is, these tips will not only help you with family and relatives, but they will allow you to be less nervous around pretty much anyone.

It feels refreshing to be visiting my family for a couple weeks during the holidays. We get to spend time together and catch up on all the new things happening in each other’s lives. We can enjoy the holiday meals together. Later we’ll celebrate Christmas and open our presents. We can connect at this time of the year easier than any other time. Everyone’s in one place, and school/work are out of the way for a bit.

But, To Be Honest … It Wasn’t Always Like This

In the past I actually HATED the holidays. It was my least favourite part of the year, besides my birthday.

The holidays meant I would be forced to be in the same room as relatives I never talked to. I would usually try to hide away in my room. But if this was impossible, then I would be nervous and awkward at the dinner table.

I hated it when someone would make a comment about me … maybe about how “quiet” I was. Or maybe someone would ask me if I had a girlfriend yet — and then everyone would watch me become uncomfortable and laugh.

Yup, I absolutely dreaded the holidays before.

Now, it’s all changed. I don’t feel the same anxiety or nervousness I did before. I don’t try to avoid talking to people. I feel comfortable at the dinner table, instead of tense and uptight. I can actually relax and enjoy spending time with my family and other relatives.

What happened to make me change?

I figured out the psychology BEHIND why I felt shyness and social anxiety, and this allowed me to fix it. In this article, I’ll share a big insight into why you’re nervous around your family and relatives. Then I’ll give you a 4 practical tips to fix this issue.

I’ll start with the insight. The basic reason why you’re nervous around family and relatives comes down to…

Who’s in Control?

A lot of confidence comes from how in control we feel we are in our lives.

As kids, we have almost no control. Our parents and relatives need to have the control so we survive and make the right long-term decisions. But as we grow older and slowly become adults, the balance of power usually shifts. You start to get more and more control over the decisions you make and the direction your life takes.

At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.

Unfortunately, many people love a feeling of power and will cling onto whatever little power they feel they have. This includes many parents. I’m sure you can think of some people in your own life that continue to try to control their kid’s life a lot longer than they should. They may be your own parents or someone else’s.

(This is the reason why “teenage rebellion” is so common, by the way. Getting tattoos, a weird hairstyle or breaking rules are all attempts at establishing control over one’s own life. It’s a way of getting a feeling of independence. In psychology, this process is called individuation, and it’s actually a healthy thing to do.)

So you may be nervous and feel less confident around your family or relatives because you’re afraid of losing control. You want to remain the one in charge of your life, and it’s harder to do that when you’re around people who have been able to control you in the past. (And who may feel like they deserve to continue controlling you now.)

How can people control you?

• By giving you unwanted life advice about what you should do in the future.

• By making you do things you don’t want to do — like chores or spending time with relatives you dislike.

• By making you conform to their way of thinking and their value systems. You’re not allowed to or afraid to express a conflicting opinion.

But the most common and most sneaky method of control is…

Emotional Control

This is about who has control over how you feel inside. The big question is: Are you in control or are you ALLOWING other people to manipulate the way you feel?

Most people believe that they are in control of their feelings more than other people, but it’s really not true. When you feel nervousness or anxiety about what someone says or thinks about you, it shows that they have control over how you feel.

For example: When someone calls you quiet or shy and you feel bad … or makes a comment about something that you are insecure about and you feel uncomfortable … then they have control over how you feel. Their action or comment caused you to feel a certain way.

 (One thing that used to really bug me was when a relative asked me if I had a girlfriend yet. For other people this could be their weight, lack of financial success or any other insecurity.)

I could give a million more examples.

The point is this: Shyness and social anxiety basically come down to being overly emotionally invested in someone else’s opinion of you. You probably already know this — it’s what some people call “caring too much what people think.”

When you are emotionally invested in someone, then you give them control over how you feel about yourself.

So the real question is: How can you become LESS emotionally invested and stop having other people control the way you feel about yourself?

Now, the topic of becoming not emotionally invested in what people think of you is something that I can’t explain in this short article. I cover the topic deeply in my system.

Instead, here’s a few quick tips for regaining control over how you feel about yourself. Once you start seeing that YOU can be the one in charge of how you feel, then you will become much more relaxed around people. You’ll stop letting others make you feel awkward, insecure or nervous .

How to Stay Emotionally in Control

1. Realize That YOU Are the Source of Insecurity

In other words, nobody can make you feel insecure or uncomfortable about something you weren’t already feeling self-critical about.

I gave the example above about how I always became uncomfortable and awkward whenever someone asked whether I had a girlfriend yet. The truth is, the reason why I felt uncomfortable was because I was already feeling  inferior for not having a girlfriend. I was already feeling like a loser about it, and I was afraid of having this “defect” or imperfection exposed.

These days, since I have now dated plenty of girls and had a girlfriend, I don’t feel insecure when a relative asks me if I have a girlfriend. I am comfortable with myself in this area of life, instead of feeling like I have a flaw I need to hide.

Think about how this applies to any other insecurity you may have. Are you worried that one of your relatives will comment about how quiet, fat, skinny, short or antisocial you are? If you are, then it shows you that you are uncomfortable with some part of yourself. The best way to fix this is to learn unconditional self-acceptance, something I teach in my system.

Think about it. If a skinny person gets called fat, then they will just laugh and take it as a joke. Only someone who is already feeling self-critical about being overweight will feel uncomfortable or offended.

Which brings to the second tip…

2. How to Respond to Annoying Comments from Relatives

The best way to respond to those comments that make you feel nervous, uncomfortable or annoyed is in a calm and straightforward way. There’s no need to be clever or get emotional. Just try to remain in control and don’t react too strongly.

Did someone call you quiet? You can either ignore them, or just say something like “Yeah I’m being pretty quiet right now.” This is how someone who isn’t feeling insecure about it would react. Answer in a calm, straightforward way and then move on.

Another technique is to interpret what the person said as a joke. For example, when I started to overcome my shyness, then sometimes relatives would point out that I was acting more confident or dressing differently. If someone makes a comment like this, then you can just laugh as if it’s a joke and then move on.

One last technique for dealing with annoying comments. This one is called “Agree and Amplify.” You just take whatever the other person said, agree with it, and then make it worse.

For example, if someone says “You’re so quiet.” Then you agree with what they said and then exaggerate it in a funny way. A good reply could be: “Yeah I’m so quiet. I’m just sitting here like a mouse.”

Or if someone points out that you gained weight (and they’re not being too rude) then you could say “Yeah, it’s because I just love eating chocolate chip cookies too much.”

3. The Opposite of Nervousness Is Not Confidence, But Relaxation

Most people who have shyness or social anxiety are too worried about acting confident. Don’t worry about looking confident, instead focus on making sure you are staying relaxed.

When you are relaxed, your awkwardness, nervousness and anxiety go away. And confidence comes only after you are feeling relaxed. These two techniques (be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly)for coping with anxiety are extremely effective because you can do them anywhere. They are very simple and straightforward to do, but don’t underestimate the power of them.

Next time you are feeling nervous before a big family dinner or party, walk into it remembering to focus on doing these techniques. The key is that you need to actually do these techniques when you feel nervous and anxious. You will probably forget to do them the first few times you need to. It takes some time to make it a habit to remember to use these techniques.

I promise you that once you start using them consistently, you’ll be amazed by the results.

4. Speak Up by Looking for Conversational Threads

Okay, so that takes care of dealing with uncomfortable comments and feeling less nervous, but there’s another big problem.

What about those situations when you just don’t know what to say to a relative you barely talk to?

You back? Good.

Now you know about conversation threading. So next time you’re at the dinner table sitting next to your Aunt, make sure to keep an ear out for these “threads” and then comment on them.

The big secret is: You don’t need to think of new, original things to say, you just have to learn to use the responses people give you. This is how you can talk to people easily and naturally, without running out of things to say or sitting there with a blank mind.

So make sure to watch the video I recorded about this technique here: How to Always Know What to Say Next.

For more ideas on how to be more comfortable around family or relatives, watch this video –Social Anxiety: Holidays, Birthdays & Social Gatherings

Going Further

I hope these tips help you with being less nervous, awkward and uncomfortable this holiday season. They definitely helped me get to where I am today.

I also hope you had a couple of insights into the psychology behind shyness and social anxiety. Ideas like emotional investment, and realizing that you need to take back control of how you feel are very important.

The problem is, I didn’t really get a chance to tell you the main strategy of HOW to overcome these big issues. Even a long article like this one can only scratch the surface and give a few tips.

That’s why I created my program called “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.” I recently updated the whole system and DOUBLED the amount of techniques and strategies in it. I also turned it into an 8.5-hour audio program that you can just sit back and listen to instead of an e-book. This program is designed to totally reprogram your personality using the latest tricks in psychology.

So if you want to learn my complete and total system for rapidly overcoming shyness or social anxiety, then click here.

– Sean

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

8 Steps for Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

The fear of public speaking is one of the biggest fears in the world.

In surveys, it’s usually near the top of the list. Often, it’s above the fear of death, spiders, snakes, heights, or flying.

That’s right. Many people would rather babysit a snake or jump out of an airplane than make a ten-minute speech.

Now… if that’s how afraid NORMAL people are of public speaking, then can you imagine what shy and SOCIALLY ANXIOUS people have to face?

From personal experience, I can tell you that having social anxiety makes talking in front of a large group of people about 100 times worse.

I Know Because I’ve Been There

If there was one thing I hated in elementary and high school days, it was public speaking. I remember I would have done anything to get out of making speeches and presentations in front of the class.

The only reason I did them was because I was even more afraid of my parents finding out if I didn’t. So I ended up always forcing myself to go up and talk even though I felt like I was going to die inside.

And I would dread the presentation or speech for weeks in advance. Whenever I thought about it I would suddenly get a surge of anxiety imagining all those eyes on me and me being the center of everyone’s attention.

When the time came to finally make the presentation, I would be a nervous wreck. I’d get up there, look down at my cue cards as much as possible, and speak as quickly as I could. Even though I tried to talk normally, my voice always seemed to sound weird and the teacher would always write that I was too “quiet” or “soft spoken” or “nervous” on the evaluation sheet.

Once the presentation was over, I was just glad to get back to my seat as fast as possible and have it be over already. I was always completely shaken up and agitated, but relieved, once the whole experience was behind me.

I would be relieved for a few days, weeks or months, but it didn’t last forever.

Eventually the teacher would assign a new project that involved public speaking, and the cycle of anxiety and dread would start up again.

And the worst part is, my fear of public speaking didn’t seem to go away over time, it just seemed to get worse. Even as I went through the later part of high school and after I graduated.

I only started to get better at public speaking when I decided to learn specific techniques to overcome my fears and anxiety. I’ll share with you a few of these in this post.

1. Exposure Is the Way to Go

In order to overcome your anxiety and fear of public speaking, you’re going to have to do it. Over and over again. Even if you are afraid.

That’s the harsh reality, and anyone who claims otherwise is probably trying to sell you something.

Progressive exposure is the most effective and scientifically proven way for most people to get over their fears. This means you set up opportunities to slowly desensitize yourself to talking to people. The basic approach to overcoming fear is this: slow, steady improvement and putting yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Be afraid, be nervous, be hesitant, but do it anyway.

One way to gain exposure that’s often recommended is to sign up for Toastmasters International. Toastmasters is an organization that has groups that meet up in most major cities all over the world. Every week, one or more people in the group make a presentation/speech.

Of course, if you have severe social anxiety, then the idea of Toastmasters probably makes you want to hide under your bed. That’s why I say that PROGRESSIVE and GRADUAL exposure is the key here. First practice talking to people on-on-one, then, when you’re confident with that, then go for the big leagues with Toastmasters.

I know this piece of advice doesn’t help you if you have a presentation tomorrow, but it’s very important to follow it if you want to get better in the long run. If you want to get over your fear of public speaking permanently, then exposure is an absolutely necessary part of the plan.

Overcoming social fears is a long-term goal. Don’t expect to totally eliminate your fears and not feel anxious right away, but if you start doing things in spite of the fear, then you will amaze yourself with the progress you make.

Of course, I said a couple minutes ago that my public speaking just got worse over time, even with exposure. So why do I recommend it now?

The short answer is that I don’t recommend exposure by itself. By itself exposure will give you some progress, but not much. But if you combine exposure with other techniques for coping with anxiety, as well as practicing the tips I share with you in this article, then your fear will decrease until it is basically gone.

2. Repeated Practice Creates Confidence

The confidence that a polished public speaker possesses comes from making thousands of presentations and realizing that no single presentation has any lasting consequence on their life. This makes them able to express themselves freely and let go of the stress and anxiety most people feel.

Think about it. Why do most people fear public speaking? Because they think there’s a good chance they’ll “mess up” and look foolish. Even more importantly, they believe the CONSEQUENCES of messing up and looking foolish are very big. If they mess up, they feel like the sky will come crashing down. Nobody will ever like them again. The universe will end.

And the solution to this problem is not to tell yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” but to go out and prove to yourself through first-hand experience that you will live regardless of how well you make your speech or presentation.

As a side note, the reason people feel fear is because a small part of your mind that triggers fear (the amygdala) thinks that public speaking is a threat to your survival. It sounds bizarre, but when you feel fear, it basically means your mind thinks there is a chance you will die.

So the solution is to keep exposing yourself to public speaking to show the “fear trigger” in your mind that it doesn’t kill you. Once you do this enough times, you will basically re-wire that “fear trigger” and not feel fear anymore about public speaking.

Once you start regularly making public speeches and presentations, your brain will slowly realize that there really are no permanent effects on your life, even if you screw up bad. 

You realize that people forget about your speech within a day or two, maybe even an hour or two. People are way too concerned with their own lives and issues to worry about that one time you made a fool of yourself.

3. Breathe and Relax

The mind and body are interconnected.

If your mind is anxious, your body will start to shake and sweat. You won’t be able to breathe or talk normally.

However, the opposite is also true. If you can make your body calm and relaxed, your mind will follow. It will become less anxious and you will feel less fear if you are relaxed “on the outside.”

4. Let Go of Control

When you go up in front of a group of people, do you immediately become self-conscious and inhibited?

The reason why this happens is because you are trying far too hard to control the impression you make on people. Once you get up in front of a group of people, everything you do becomes calculated and measured. Every word you say is chosen carefully, every gesture looks painfully contrived.

You do this to try to avoid making yourself look stupid. You’re trying to avoid disapproval. Unfortunately, trying to monitor and control every little word you say and action you take actually makes you look a lot worse than if you were just acting naturally.

The solution is to let go of trying to control every little word and action. You can do this by changing your focus. Instead of focusing on what specific words to say or how to stand, focus on the message you want to convey to your audience.

What do you want them to get out of it?

And yes, this is definitely easier said than done. Especially for someone who is so shy or socially anxious that they are self-conscious talking to even just one person.

But training your focus like this is a skill that is learnable. And it is essential to learn it if you want to start overcoming any self-consciousness you have in front of groups of people.

I’ll explain more about “how” to do this in the next two points…

5. Focus On the Message

You have to focus on the message and emotions you want to communicate and not worry about controlling the individual words. Trust that when your focus is on conveying the right message, the words will come out automatically and the gestures will choose themselves.

But in order to accomplish this, in order to become spontaneous and “natural” as opposed to self-conscious and studied in your performance, you will have to give up some control.

If you want to talk naturally instead of self-consciously when public speaking, then you will have to let go of needing every word to be perfectly planned out. All you should control is the “intent” you have behind your words and actions, not the words and actions themselves.

Any good performer does this, from top public speakers to world-class pianists.

The most skilled pianist in the world could never play a simple composition if he tried to consciously think out just which finger should strike each key – while he was playing. He was able to become a skilled performer only when he reached the point where he could cease conscious effort and turn the matter of playing over to the unconscious and automatic part of his mind.

– Dr. Maxwell Maltz

Anytime you are feeling self-conscious, it is because you are trying to control how you come across too much. When you are just talking to a family member, you don’t really care if every word is perfect. You have a general idea of what you want to say, and then you just talk.

It’s only when you go up in front of a group of people that you start to carefully pick out the exact words to say and carefully control your body language. And this is what makes you self-conscious.

Look at any videos of top public speakers. Do they look like they are preoccupied with presenting themselves a certain way? No. If they were, they could never put so much energy and charisma into their speaking. When they are at their best, their focus is always 100% on trying to get their intended message across.

6. No Internal Dialogue

One practical way to stop monitoring and controlling your behavior is to stop talking to yourself. You should have no internal dialogue when you are doing public speaking.

If you are talking to yourself, then that inner voice is probably talking about what to say/do next, or it’s commenting on how well you’re doing. Neither help you.

The best public speakers, believe it or not, just say the first thing that pops into their head. They don’t even think about it, they just say it. Their presentations are actually just a big stream-of-consciousness. But since their focus is on conveying the right message, everything works out.

By simply expressing what comes into your head instead of trying to filter and control what you say, your speaking will actually be a lot clearer. This is because you won’t have that “filter” of thinking and self-consciousness muddying up the channel of communication between you and your audience.

People don’t really care about the individual words anyway, but they will be able to FEEL your message if you implement what I’m saying here. To get an example of what I mean, watch this video of Tony Robbins in action…

7. People Don’t Expect Perfection or Brilliance

Many people will tell you that you don’t need to be perfect and flawless when you do public speaking. Not only does this advice help to lower your fear and anxiety, but it’s also true.

Think about what the goal of your speech or presentation really is. The goal of your speaking is not for you to appear flawless, intelligent, or charismatic. The real goal of any public speaking may be to teach people something, to entertain them, or to make them interested about a topic.

Even if these weren’t your goal before, they are now. Don’t view success as making other people think you are perfect or brilliant. Think of success as giving something to other people. If you’ve just given your audience something of value, whether that be a single insight or piece of information they didn’t know before, you’ve succeeded.

The essence of public speaking is this: give your audience something of value. That’s all there is to it. If people in your audience walk away with something (anything) of value, they will consider you a success. If they walk away feeling better about themselves, feeling better about some job they have to do, they will consider you a success. If they walk away feeling happy or entertained, they will consider their time with you worthwhile.

Even if you pass out, get tongue-tied, or say something stupid during your talk . . . they won’t care! As long as they get something of value, they will be thankful.

-Morton C. Ormond, MD

If you’ve ever heard the advice people give to shy people to “focus more on other people and less on yourself,” this is why. Once you view success as giving something valuable to your audience instead of trying to make them like you, much of the anxiety goes away.

8. Keep Your Focus On the Present Moment

When you are making a speech or presentation, it’s very important to keep your attention in the present. Stay focused on what is happening RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

If you are thinking about something that happened 2 minutes or even 20 seconds ago, then you are not able to focus on the only place where your actions can make a difference, which is the present. It makes no sense to worry about some blunder or mistake you made while you are still speaking.

You canʼt affect the past or the future. I remember when I was learning to play a new instrument a friend said: “If you mess up or play the wrong note, forget about it! Itʼs done man, you canʼt go back to that. The river keeps flowing. Stay in the present!”

This is exactly the mindset you must be in when you are doing public speaking. If you mess up, donʼt think about it! Bring your attention back to what is happening right now, not what happened a couple minutes ago.

And don’t think too far ahead, either. If you start worrying about something a few minutes into the future, then there’s no way you will be able to effectively convey your message. You’ll be too distracted and scattered all over the place. You’ll be too preoccupied and anxious about remembering some point you need to make in a few minutes.

STOP thinking so much and breathe. Bring your focus back to the present and keep it here.

Summary

In short, here are the 8 steps:

1. Expose yourself to your fears in order to overcome them.

• Repeated practice creates confidence.

• Breathe and relax.

• Let go trying to control how you come across.

• Focus on the message you want to communicate.

• Don’t talk to yourself.

• People don’t expect perfection or brilliance.

• Keep your focus on the present moment.

Remember that overcoming any fear takes time and effort. But it is possible to desensitize yourself to the fear of public speaking, learn to avoid the mistakes you’ve made in the past, and become an effective and relaxed public speaker.

You can become someone who doesn’t feel dread and anxiety before stepping up to do public speaking. Who doesn’t become a shaking, stuttering mess once the pressure of dozens of eyes are on you.

All you have to do is take one of the ideas I’ve shown you in this article, and implement it the next time you speak. Then after that try a second one. Once you have a few of these down and some experience under your belt, your fear of public speaking will decrease dramatically. Keep practicing and one day it won’t bother you at all.

For more tips on overcoming fear of public speaking, watch this video – Speaking Up Without Freaking Out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto

If you want to learn more tips on how to be less shy, anxious and introverted in social situations, then click here to check out my e-book on overcoming shyness and social anxiety.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

What is the Best Cure for Shyness and Social Anxiety?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Is It Time to Give Up and Just Accept Yourself as You Are?

My answer: yes and no.

If you’ve been struggling with shyness or social anxiety for years, then I’m sure you’ve had some depressing thoughts before.

Thoughts like:

“What if my confidence will never improve, and I’m going to be this quiet, timid, awkward and shy for the rest of my life?”

“What if I never become comfortable around the opposite sex and never find a girlfriend or boyfriend who loves me?”

“What if I’m always going to be haunted by this fear, anxiety and nervousness … especially around people I only sort-of know?”

And if you’ve had any of these thoughts, then I’m sure you’ve also thought to yourself…

“Maybe I Should Accept This Is How I Am”

Now, I agree that accepting yourself is important.

When you don’t accept yourself, then shyness and social anxiety become ten times more difficult to overcome.

Because when you’re not comfortable with yourself, then it’s impossible to be comfortable and relaxed around other people.

When you don’t accept yourself, then you’ll always feel anxious and nervous around people, and you won’t even know why.

You’ll find it hard to truly connect with people and form close friendships.

And getting a girlfriend or boyfriend will be a HUGE uphill battle. (When you can’t open yourself up and you can’t “be there” for someone, then what chance do you have?)

On the other hand, when you are accepting and comfortable with yourself, then issues like insecurity, self-consciousness and a fear of rejection go away almost automatically

.

Acceptance = Lack of Social Anxiety

People who have the deepest self-acceptance tend to be the most socially confident. Even if they don’t “deserve” to be.

Have you ever seen some arrogant, stupid, unattractive person who has a lot of confidence? (If you’ve ever worked in customer service, or watched a reality TV show, then I’m sure you have.)

Here’s one example of someone who feels confident even when she doesn’t know what she’s talking about:

Woman at VP Debate Calls Obama a Communist

So self-acceptance and comfort with yourself is the ultimate cure to issues like shyness and social anxiety.

Now here’s where most people get it wrong…

Accepting Yourself and Giving Up Are NOT The Same Thing

Many shy and socially anxious people think that “accepting themselves” is the same as giving up.

They think that if they don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to find one.

If they don’t have friends, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to meet new people.

If they aren’t confident, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to do things outside of their comfort zone.

Basically, they think they need to give up trying to improve themselves to stop feeling bad about themselves.

Don’t make this mistake yourself.

 Carl Roger’s Secret to Self Confidence

In 2006, a survey was sent out to hundreds of therapists. It asked: “Over the last 25 years, which figures have most influenced your practice?”.

1982 out of 2598 responded with the name, “Carl Rogers.”

Carl Rogers was a man who changed our understanding of therapy and psychology.

My favorite quote of his is:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

– Carl R. Rogers

Carl Rogers said that for a person to “grow”, they needed an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).

And he also said if someone didn’t get that type of environment growing up, then they would usually have low self-worth and confidence. So it was the therapist’s job to give them that environment.

Basically, he said to focus on making the client accept themselves. And then, once they accepted themselves … only then would they be able to change.

Let Go of Who You Are … To Become Who You Were Meant to Be

A couple days ago, I was watching a TV show with my brother.

It’s a nerdy TV show called “Doctor Who” that my brother’s a big fan of.

The show is about this “doctor” who’s a time traveller. He travels through time in his spaceship shaped like a police box, saving people from evil aliens.

And every 2-3 years, the doctor regenerates. This means the old actor basically dies in the show and he’s replaced by a new actor. It’s like a rebirth for the “doctor” in the show.

So, in this episode we were watching, the doctor “regenerated” again. But, before he died, he had an interesting speech. He said some word which I think really apply to people looking to overcome shyness and social anxiety.

He said:

We all change. When you think about it, we’re all different people all through our lives, and that’s ok. You’ve got to keep moving so long as you remember the people that you used to be.

Think about how this quote can apply to you.

Accept yourself, but don’t use acceptance as an excuse to avoid fear and discomfort. Realize that you can change more of your personality than you think … if you know what to do.

To find out about the cure for shyness and social anxiety, watch these 2 videos –

How To Overcome Social Anxiety And Shyness (4 WEIRD TIP)

Jordan Peterson: How To Fight Social Anxiety AND WIN! (Must Watch)

Let Me Show You Exactly What to Do Step-By-Step…

That’s why I created The Shyness and Social Anxiety System . In it, I’ll walk you through specific techniques that you can use to instantly eliminate your insecurities, self-consciousness and nervousness.

This system has an all-new section called “Becoming Comfortable with Yourself” where I reveal my latest insights into this important topic. Once you listen to this section, you’ll instantly find your old anxiety and tension around people melting away.

You’ll eliminates the quiet, awkward, and nervous energy that used to make people avoid and ignore you. You’ll find people being magnetically drawn to you because of simple little inner changes in the way you feel about yourself. You’ll finally have people making an effort to talk to you, be your friend and invite you out to places.

Click here to learn more…

Until next time,

Sean Cooper

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on What is the Best Cure for Shyness and Social Anxiety?