Here are 3 Social Anxiety Tips to Help You Lower Your Fear

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Learning some quick tips and techniques can be the best way to start overcoming your social anxiety. The three main areas to focus on are your thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

Attacking your social anxiety from these three areas at the same time will have a compounding effect on the results you get. Focus on the ones you have the most difficulty with now, and then move on to the others.

Your thoughts and how you manage them can have a substantial impact. If you have time, look into cognitive behavioral therapy for a complete set of tools on managing your thoughts. If you just want to try some quick techniques out right now, then keep reading this article.

One way to lower your anxious thoughts is to accept them. It sounds like a contradiction, but it isn’t. Once you fully accept yourself, even down to your anxious thoughts, which are a “flaw,” then you’ll feel a lot less inferior to others.

If you have thoughts or feelings of inadequacy or inferiority often, then it usually just comes down to accepting yourself and then working towards a better future at the same time.

Also try thinking a lot less. Most socially anxious people think way too much, which makes them stuck inside their head. If you can slow down your anxious thoughts by switching your focus to the people around you, then you should be able to think a lot less, which will make you less anxious.

If you have social anxiety, then it’s normal to feel lonely, sad and depressed.

Unfortunately, these are the exact types of emotions that will drive off potential friendships or relationships. People don’t like to be around people who are sad and depressed all the time. Instead, you want to be fun and happy a good deal of the time.

How do you do this? Try smiling. The simple act of smiling actually releases chemicals in your brain that start to make you feel happier automatically If you don’t believe me, then try it for yourself. How much different do you feel when you are slouched over and looking bored versus sitting up straight with a huge smile on your face?

The last tip I’ll show you is the one which may make the most lasting changes to your level of social anxiety.

Here it is: face your fears directly. It may sound like impractical advice if you are very socially anxious. In that case, you need to start with small fears and build your way up. Maybe try to make and hold eye contact outside with three people outside today and then move on to bigger fears.

Social Anxiety Tips – 2 Sure-Fire Techniques That Work

It’s the moment of truth. You know you have to finally face your fears and go into a scary social situation. The question is: how can you cope with your social anxiety so it doesn’t overwhelm you?

I remember when I had social anxiety. I would avoid most social situations whenever possible. When I HAD to do something for sure, like making a presentation in front of the class, I would dread it for weeks beforehand.

When the day came, I would start to get physical symptoms: Sweating for no reason, shuddering breaths, shaking in fear. Some people who have social anxiety disorder may even get headaches, stomach aches, or vomiting because of their anxiety.

What a nightmare!

The good news is, in my quest to overcome social anxiety, I found some sure-fire techniques for coping with social anxiety as it comes up. Some of these you may have hear of before, others may be completely new to you. For the ones you have heard of before, read them again and pay careful attention to how I used them, it may turn out to be different from what you’re used to.

For all of these techniques, make sure you don’t just read them and then forget about them. These can all make a measurable, significant decrease in your anxiety whenever you need them. And I’ve also found most people don’t use them properly right away. It takes some practice to get the feel for when and how to use them.

Right when you are feeling most anxious you probably won’t be in the best state of mind to try out a new technique. You’ll need to use it several times before it begins to work instantly for you. Also, keep in mind that these are not a cure for social anxiety.

They are only meant to help you cope with social anxiety in the short term.

1. Be Very, Very, Very Relaxed

One of the most basic concepts in psychology is that the mind and the body are interconnected. When you feel anxiety and find yourself starting to sweat, shake or blush, your mind is affecting your body.

What most people don’t realize is that the opposite is also true. The state your body is in also affects the state your mind is in. If your body is totally relaxed, then your mind will start to follow along. (In psychology, this effect is called psychosomatic.)

If you change your behaviour, your emotions will follow.

So how should you change your behaviour to decrease your anxiety? Focus on becoming very, very relaxed. Be as relaxed as you can possibly manage.

Go through your muscle groups in your head and release a little tension in each one. Start with your face: unclench your jaw, relax your cheeks, rest your eyebrows. Then move on down to your shoulders, stop tensing them up so high, drop them a little bit by relaxing those muscles. Keep going down until you have relaxed each muscle group a little more. If you want, you can do this again and again and become more and more relaxed each time.

How relaxed should you be? Completely and TOTALLY relaxed. You almost have to make your body go limp — that’s how relaxed you should be. In my mind, there is no such thing as “too relaxed” for someone feeling anxiety. Maybe if you start slurring your words you should stop, but I don’t think there’s a big chance of that happening.

Try this out for yourself. Next time you’re feeling anxious in a social situation, make yourself relaxed to the point of feeling lazy and limp. You’ll still feel some anxiety, but much less than you did before. As you do this over days and weeks, it’ll become much easier to be deeply relaxed in social situations. If you keep it up, you may even become as relaxed around people as you are when you’re by yourself just by using this one technique.

Don’t take this technique lightly. It is one of the golden keys to overcoming social anxiety disorder and one of the biggest tools I used for overcoming my own anxiety.

2. Breathe Deeply Through Your Belly

The second technique is about making a simple adjustment to the way you breathe to decrease your anxiety on the spot.

What you’re probably thinking right now is: “Why do I need to change the way I breathe? And what good will this do?”

People with social anxiety breathe badly because their mind has taken over their body. Someone who is under a lot of anxiety is probably experiencing a “fight or flight” reaction in their body which makes them breathe in a way that only makes their anxiety worse!

When you feel anxiety, your body actually thinks you are in immediate danger, so it sets up an emergency system that will allow you to either fight the danger or run away fast.

One part of this “emergency system” is to change your breathing patterns. Most people who are experiencing anxiety are breathing in a very bad way. They are breathing shallowly, taking very fast breaths, and using their upper chest to breathe as opposed to their stomach.

This type of breathing would be great if you needed to run away from danger RIGHT NOW! … but it’s extremely counterproductive if you are trying to make yourself feel calm and relaxed to lower your anxiety.

So how do you change your breathing to make it “normal?”

The first step is to breathe through your belly, not your chest. Most people with social anxiety spend their whole lives breathing through their chest. This is not good if you want to relax your body and mind and feel less anxiety and nervousness in social situations.

Also, breathing through your chest gives you less oxygen, so you may end up with cold, clammy hands all the time — even in summer!

Here’s how you breathe through your belly. Look at the animation to the left. When you breathe in, your stomach should expand. When you breathe out, your stomach should contract. Your chest and shoulders shouldn’t move at all. This type of breathing is also called diaphragmatic breathing.

If you’ve been using your chest to breathe all your life, it may take some time to get used to belly breathing. You can practice by laying down on your back and putting one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest. Then you breathe, trying to only move the hand on your belly and keeping the hand on your chest as still as possible.

Take slow, steady breaths in and out. Practice making them longer and longer. Also, try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. When you get the hang of belly breathing, you should try to do it all the time. Right before you go to sleep or right after you wake up, take 10-15 minutes to just lay in bed and practice belly breathing.

When you feel anxious, your body will want to go back to chest breathing. This is the time to take control and consciously make yourself breathe through your belly. If you keep doing this, you’ll find that it’s a very reliable method of coping with social anxiety.

Practice to Improve

Remember that for both techniques I showed you, it’s not enough to read about them. You have to PUT THEM INTO PRACTICE if you want them to have an impact on your life. And you’ll be most successful if you practice consistently.

Once I put these techniques into practice for myself, I found that my physical symptoms became much better. I stopped breaking out into a nervous sweat as much, and my hands stopped being cold all the time. My voice also sounded much less weird and awkward, even when I felt anxious on the inside.

The catch is, these techniques are for COPING with social anxiety, they will not get rid of it. In order to cure your social anxiety, you must attack the root of it, not just them symptoms.

For more social anxiety tips, watch this video – 7 Techniques to Overcome Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms and Strategies

If you want to learn more about how to get rid of social anxiety permanently, then check out my eBook called “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.” I overcame my own social anxiety and now I teach people all around the world how they can do the same.

It’s much easier to get rid of your social anxiety when you know the exact steps you need to take. Most of the books and audio programs on overcoming social anxiety out there were made by people who learned about social anxiety from a psychology textbook and now they want to pay off their degree.

By learning from someone who has done it himself, you’ll be able to progress faster than you ever thought possible because you’ll learn all of the “insider secrets” to overcoming social anxiety that I figured out along my own journey. Click here to find out more.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Social Anxiety Tips to Lower Your Fear

How to Get Over Your Shyness Around Girls?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

How to Become Less Shy Around Girls

 

Whether you feel shy around most girls, or just around that one girl you like, it can be very frustrating. You don't know how to ask her out or even start talking to her.

 

If you do talk to her, you have trouble coming up with something interesting to say to make her like you. You wish she was your girlfriend, but you have no idea how to accomplish that.

 

In this article, I'm going to show you a couple simple steps to start overcoming your shyness around girls. It may seem like an impossible thing to do right now, but once you know the exact steps to take, it becomes simple and straightforward.

 

So let's start off with the basic problem? Why do you feel shy around girls? Often it comes down to you feeling like you are lower status or lower value than them. You feel in some way inferior to them.

 

By the way, notice how around girls who you aren't as attracted to, you don't feel as shy around them. This is because they don't have the beauty which usually intimidates you. So how do you overcome inferiority so you can act confident around the girls you like? One way is to find out what is making you feel inferior and fix it.

 

If you have crooked teeth, get them straightened. If you are overweight, start hitting the gym. If you feel ashamed of the clothes you wear, get a new style. If you think you're a loner, learn how to make friends.

 

But what about problems you can't fix? What about if you were just born way shorter than everyone else? What if you are just uglier than average, no matter what you do? In these cases, I would suggest that you just do whatever you can, but then learn to live with your appearance as it is and learn to accept it.

 

Everyone has their flaws, and girls aren't really looking for the flawlessly perfect guy anyway. I'm sure you've heard before how girls pay far less attention to a guy's looks than to his personality. In my experience, this is true.

 

Sure, there are some girls who only like good looking guys, but this is the minority. Most girls will look past any physical shortcoming you have if you are just confident and can make them laugh.

 

Instead of trying to make your appearance perfect, work on improving your social skills. The more you talk to girls, the less shy you will become. As you talk to more and more girls, it's almost inevitable that you will find a girl you have chemistry with.

 

Shy Around Girls? 3 Simple Steps to Overcome Shyness Around Girls

 

This Part is for the Really Shy Guy

 

Most guys feel a little nervous around the girls they like, but they’re able to take a deep breath, push through it, and become comfortable with them over time. That’s not who this post is for. This post is for the guys who feel really anxious, scared and inhibited around girls. 

 

If you get a strong physical feeling of anxiety when you think of talking to a girl you like, or you feel a powerful, paralyzing hesitation when you want to approach or ask out a girl, then this post is for you.

 

I’ve broken it down to three parts: Overcoming inferiority, not being too invested, and becoming assertiveness. This is going to go into more depth than anything else out there. Bookmark this page now so you can come back to it again and again.

 

Now here’s step one…

 

1.    Overcome Your Inferiority

 

From my experience teaching hundreds of shy people over the past couple of years, both guys and girls, I’ve found the cause of most shyness is a feeling of inferiority. If you feel you are somehow “less valuable” than the girl, then you will feel shy and nervous around her.

 

Let me illustrate this with an example.

 

Unattractive Girl Syndrome

 

Imagine a girl you know who is unattractive to you, perhaps she is overweight or just not your type. Do you feel any anxiety or nervousness around her? No, probably not. And if you do, it will still be far less than around the girl you are attracted to.

 

Think about the way you talk to girls who you aren’t really attracted to. Are you more relaxed and casual around them? Do you talk to them the same way you would talk to a guy friend? Meanwhile around a girl you find attractive your mind suddenly goes blank and you can’t think of what to say.

 

Why does this happen? Why are you only shy around certain girls? This happens when you place so much value on looks that a good looking girl becomes intimidating.

 

The solution is, of course, to stop placing so much value on looks. Treat an attractive girl in the same casual, natural way you would treat a guy friend or unattractive girl. Sure, you may be attracted more to a good looking girl, but physical looks alone shouldn’t be enough to immediately make you intimidated and won over.

 

I remember back when I was very shy around girls, I would start to really like a girl and start to fantasize about our future together… without ever really having talked to her!

 

In hindsight, it seems so foolish, yet so many shy guys do it. They become infatuated with a girl just based on how she looks from a distance. They haven’t even talked to her yet, yet they start to imagine a future together with her. (I’ll talk more about these unrealistic fantasies later.)

 

It’s better to have an attitude of “what else do you offer?” Does the girl have something other than her looks going for her? There are plenty of cute girls in the world, but it’s rare to find a girl you can have fun with and one that has a personality that “clicks” with yours.

 

Do not put the girl on a pedestal before you even know her. Treat her as an equal human being, not a goddess. That’s why so many women give guys the advice to “be yourself.” They don’t like it when a guy is trying hard to impress them and get them to like him. Especially when they haven’t done anything to deserve his attention yet except looking pretty.

 

Realize that how someone looks does not dictate how valuable they are. Being good looking is more about luck in getting the right genes than anything else. Would you think that a lottery winner was superior to you?

 

Being Less Experienced

 

Another way of feeling inferior is thinking that being less experienced than the girl with relationships will immediately make you repulsive to her.

 

Back when I was shy, I remember I kept having to think I had to “hide” the fact I had never had a girlfriend. I thought that if the girl realized from the way I acted that I was romantically or sexually inexperienced, then that meant she would just get up and leave automatically.

 

The truth is, by having an attitude of feeling undeserving of more experienced girls, then you are only sabotaging yourself. If you have grown up somewhat shy and socially awkward, then it will be almost inevitable that most girls will be more experienced than you.

 

In order to “catch up,” you need to start to talk to, and become involved with, these girls. That’s actually a great perspective to have.

 

The fact that you are less experienced than average does not mean girls do not like you. It just means that you have some catching up to do because of your shyness or social anxiety. You just started later than everyone else. And that brings me to the last point…

 

Being Hard On Yourself and Insecure

 

Remember the first key lesson: The less valuable you think you are compared to someone, the more shy you will feel around them. Inferiority makes you feel not entitled to be confident and express your personality.

 

Ask yourself: “How do I make myself feel inferior than other people?”

 

One big problem you may have to overcome is your own thoughts. Many shy people have a constant stream of thoughts that point out what a loser they are.

 

If you constantly think about why you’re a loser, how you aren’t good looking, how you have some physical flaw that needs to be fixed, how you’re a loner with little or no friends, how you’ve never even kissed a girl, etc … then you are just sabotaging yourself.

 

By being too hard on yourself and being insecure about your appearance you are constantly reinforcing the idea in your mind that you are inferior to the girl. This makes it IMPOSSIBLE for you to be confident around her, because you think she is more valuable.

 

And if you are lacking confidence and can’t even talk to her normally, then you have no chance of attracting her and forming a relationship.

 

Confidence and personality are more attractive than physical appearance to most girls. Your looks don’t matter nearly as much as you think they do. If you don’t believe me, then look around.

 

All the good looking girls are around the confident, popular, charismatic guys. On the other hand, many of the good looking guys who are shy are stuck alone or with a girl they’re not really attracted to. Looks matter much more to guys than girls.

 

So the most important thing is to cut out any thoughts that sabotage your confidence or make you inhibited. This means to notice when you are having self-defeating thought patterns and stop them in their tracks.

 

Any thought that makes you think you are less valuable will only sabotage your progress in becoming less shy around girls. Notice when they occur, challenge them with the ideas you’ve learned so far, and instead try to focus on your good qualities that you are proud of.

 

Remind yourself that girls aren’t really after the best-looking guy, but one who can be confident and talk to them without being intimidated by their superficial qualities.

 

2. Stop Being Too Invested in One Particular Girl

 

If there’s one thing that all shy guys have in common, it’s that they have a tendency to pick one girl that may show them even the slightest interest and then become obsessed by her.

 

Stop The Unrealistic Fantasies

 

Do you find yourself picking out one girl that you like and then thinking for hours about what it would be like to date her and have a relationship with her?

 

Maybe the girl showed you a little bit of interest. Maybe you just talked to her once for a couple minutes. Or maybe she’s in your class and you’ve never spoken a word to her before.

 

If you are constantly fixated on one girl at a time and playing out fantasies in your head about what it would be like to date her, then you are again sabotaging yourself.

 

What do you think happens when you decide you want to finally go talk to the girl in real life? You’re too nervous to even move. You’ve thought about her so long and built her up in your mind into such a perfect creature that you become literally paralyzed by fear.

 

Meanwhile, the girl may not even be aware that you even exist.

 

All the thinking makes you unable to approach her and talk to her casually. And even if you do, the way you behave around her still communicates to her that you would be totally crushed if she was to disapprove of you in any way or reject you.

 

The problem is, you became too emotionally invested in the girl before she had done anything to earn your attention. You put so much time and effort thinking about her that her rejection of you would ruin your fantasyland image of you two together.

 

Don’t Have Too Many Expectations

 

One thing in particular shy guys do is they may talk to an attractive girl for a few seconds and then put too much meaning into the interaction. They may start fantasizing about the girl like I said above. They may go out of their way to pass her in the hallway. They may even stalk her photos on Facebook.

 

The key to avoiding this issue is to talk to girls without having a hidden agenda to make her your one true love. Don’t have too many expectations about a future relationship with any one particular girl until you have spent a decent amount of time getting to know her.

 

The reason why is that people tend to put out their best parts for the world to see.

 

Until you have gotten to know someone over a period of time, you have no idea what they’re actually like. That girl you think is perfect may be annoying to hang out with, she may be needy, she may be insecure despite being beautiful, she may be completely unintelligent, or she may be into the celebrity gossip shows you hate.

 

And if you don’t get to know her, then you’ll never realize you were just seeing her through rose-colored glasses.

 

The point is, don’t be won over by looks alone. There are plenty of cute girls out there. Many of those are as cute as the one you are obsessed about … and they have a personality you will like spending time with!

 

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

 

For every hot girl out there, there’s some guy that’s sick of f**king her.

 

So after you’ve talked to some girl, don’t start imagining a future together with her right away. This will just make you nervous to ever talk to her again. Instead, keep it casual and see where it goes.

 

Guys who have little relationship experience tend to be naive and think that most relationships develop like a romantic movie from Hollywood. Two lovers fall into each other’s arm when they first see each other. The reality is much different. Long-term relationships develop over time and are always a work-in-progress.

 

2.    Be Assertive

 

One way to stop being so invested in one particular girl is to have many options instead of one. The best way to do this is to talk to many women on a weekly or daily basis.

 

If you only talk to one new girl a month, then it will be hard not to think about her. But if you are constantly meeting new girls then it becomes a lot easier to see her as just a girl you talked to one time and that’s it.

 

Fate Doesn’t Exist

 

Many guys who are inexperienced with women have wrong and naive ideas about how relationships work. Maybe you think that the best strategy to get a girlfriend is to wait for the right circumstances.

 

Are you waiting for a situation where you just happen to meet a girl, you magically aren’t nervous about talking to her, don’t have to ask her out, and she makes all the moves? That’s like waiting for the stars to align.

 

The harsh reality is that you are going to have to work and learn to cope with your nervousness if you want to have a girlfriend. The universe will not deliver one to you.

 

Sure, you may get lucky a couple times where a girl puts in much of the work to get to know you, asks you out, and makes all the moves. BUT … she probably won’t be the same girl that you want!

 

If you want something, you’ve got to go after it, especially when it comes to dating for guys.

 

Guys Are the Ones Who Make Moves

 

In our society, or perhaps due to our biological programming, it’s guys who need to be assertive about meeting new girls and becoming physical with them.

 

Don’t like that? Too bad. That’s just the way it works. It may suck if you’re a shy guy, but it is what it is. Learn to accept it and live with it.

 

You’re going to be the one to approach. You’re going to be the one who asks for the phone number. You’re going to be the one who goes for the kiss. Going after a girl you want involves risking rejection every step of the way.

 

How do you overcome this fear of rejection? You desensitize yourself to it so many times that it doesn’t bother you much anymore.

Don’t Hesitate

 

Being assertive is like a muscle. The more you do it, the less effort it takes.

 

When you want to talk to the girl you like, you will probably hesitate a little.

 

You’ll stop yourself.

 

Then when you try to do it in a couple minutes again, your “mental barrier” to acting becomes higher. It becomes even more difficult to “just do it.”

 

And the longer you think about whether you should make your move or not, the more anxiety you feel. It’s just like when you think of a girl for months and it becomes impossible to talk to her. You’ve built it up in your mind so much that you’ve become a victim of paralysis by analysis.

 

Instead, you need to act more upon that first impulse. That first impulse is your best shot at actually doing it. All the thinking that happens later only serves to talk you out of acting on that impulse.

 

If you talk to a girl and she doesn’t like you, then don’t start thinking of ways to make her like you. There are literally billions of girls out there, just try a different one.

 

Conclusion

 

I hope these tips help you to get over your shyness around girls. Much of this information was a turning point for me going from a hopeless guy with extreme shyness and social awkwardness to someone who has overcome shyness and has decent social skills. Enough to talk to girls I’m attracted to without feeling shy at all.

 

For more ideas to get over shyness around girls, watch this video - How to Stop Being Shy and Awkward (FOREVER)

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

 

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

 

To find out more, click on Get Over Your Shyness Around Girls

What are the Real Strategies that Work at Overcoming Shyness Fast?

 

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Is Shyness Bad? Here’s The Pros and Cons of Being Shy

Is shyness good or bad? For many shy people, it’s a difficult question to answer. They don’t know if it would be better to accept themselves as they are, or to try and change the way they are. For many this is a difficult struggle to figure out.

In this article I will give you both sides of the issue so you can come to your own decision. If you do decide shyness is something you would like to overcome, then I’ll give you a couple of resources at the bottom of this article to start doing so.

Before I get into the cons of shyness, let’s take a look at some of the good things that come with shyness, the first one is more alone time to do whatever you like.

If you are shy, you have plenty of time for any solitary activities you’d like to do, including reading, drawing, writing, thinking, and so on. You never have to compromise for someone else and do something you’re not very enthusiastic about.

Shyness also lets you become more deeply interested in any hobbies you may have. Many shy people find they are able to get very good at playing their favorite video games because they have so much time to practice.

On the other hand, there are also many bad things about being shy. The biggest one is loneliness. You may start to feel isolated from other people if you are too shy to make at least a couple friends.

If you are very shy, then you may not be able to ask out that girl or guy you are attracted to. You might also reject many opportunities to go out and have fun because of your fear of meeting new people. You will not be able to enjoy parties as much. You will find it harder to find a job and relate to your co-workers.

Overall, your life would become more independent of other people. Many people who are shy also have insecurities and low self-esteem. Shyness makes you more alone, on both the outside and inside.

In summary, the main benefit of shyness is more free time, the downside is that you may have no one to spend that time with. Now that you know both the benefits and downsides to being shy, will you choose to accept it or try to overcome it? The choice is up to you.

Is Being Shy Bad? The Answer Will Surprise You…

Let me guess: you’re reading this page because you’re a shy person. And you have some questions like…

Is shyness a bad thing?

Do people think there’s something wrong about being shy? Or is it perfectly normal?

Should you accept that shyness is the way you are and try to live with it? Or should you try to change it if possible?

I’ll answer these questions in this article, but first I’ll start by saying:

As someone who was extremely shy for most of my life, I think it comes down to this:

Shyness is not bad, but it’s not helpful either.

There’s a song called “Ask” by “The Smiths” that goes like this:

Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You’d like to

Some people have a mild shyness that doesn’t really change their life. My shyness was not like that. My shyness was painful. My shyness stopped me from having the life I wanted.

• I didn’t have friends. I was dying inside from a lack of connection.

• I couldn’t speak up in class, stand up to my parents when they were being unfair or go to a job interview without my armpits being drenched in sweat.

• And I had absolutely no hope of turning my crush (who I always thought about) into my girlfriend.

From a young age I knew that shyness was not a benefit because it blocked me from so many things in life that I wanted. It made me lonely. It lowered my self-esteem. It made me feel left out. It made me feel like a loser.

So the reason to overcome shyness is not because it is BAD, but because it is ADVANTAGEOUS to you.

Let me be clear:

You Don’t HAVE to Overcome Shyness

You do not HAVE to overcome shyness if you don’t want to. Being shy does not make you an inferior person. In fact, you don’t HAVE to do anything in life you don’t want to. It’s completely your choice whether you think it’s an issue you need to overcome or not.

I think that’s one reason people say “there’s nothing wrong with being shy.” They don’t want to be forced into doing something because of some moral obligation.

So does this mean that you should just accept being shy?

If you want to, then yes. BUT!… The answer isn’t really that simple for most people.

Many Shy People Are Unsatisfied

In my experience, many shy people are UNSATISFIED with their social life and amount of confidence. They actually HATE being lonely and isolated and having very few friends. They HATE being scared out of their mind when they have to speak in front of many people. And they HATE that they can’t talk to that girl or guy they like.

Back when I was very shy myself, I noticed that it was always NON-SHY people who said things like: “there’s nothing wrong with being shy” or “shyness is cute.”

I remember thinking… Yeah, my shyness is cute to you but for me it’s like playing the game of life on hard mode. Simple everyday things that non-shy people do all the time felt IMPOSSIBLE to me. Like going to a party and actually talking to people.

Giving a short presentation at school. Or asking out a girl I liked.

The question to ask yourself is:

Does your shyness hold you back from things in life that you want?

I think that, for you, the answer is straightforward. Just look at yourself. Would you be reading this article if you really liked to be shy? Probably not.

And think of it this way: there is lots of advice out there trying to help people become more confident, charismatic or outgoing. But nobody is trying to become more quiet, socially awkward and lonely. Why? Because there’s no benefit to it.

In short: Don’t try to overcome shyness because you see it as a defect you HAVE to get rid of to make other people like you. Instead, do it because you WANT to do it, to improve your own quality of life.

But What About Self-Acceptance?

One thing you may be thinking now is: “but isn’t it important to accept yourself despite your faults?”

And yes, I think self-acceptance is very important for happiness and self-esteem.

Acceptance means that you feel no shame for any part of yourself. Becoming completely unashamed of who you are is an important step in overcoming many issues shy people face, such as inferiority:

• You aren’t ashamed if you have little friends or social life right now, and you don’t try to “hide” it from people thinking they’ll brush you off if they “found out.”

• You aren’t ashamed about any part of your physical appearance. Instead of constantly looking in mirrors to “check” your appearance, you accept the way you look.

A quick warning: there’s a difference between self-acceptance and simply being lazy and hopeless.

I’m a big promoter of unconditional self-acceptance. But I don’t think it’s good if someone uses “self-acceptance” as an excuse to not face their fears in life. Because that will lead to long-term misery. (I avoided my fears for many years, so believe me I know.)

The thing I’m against is when someone gives up going after something they want and then uses “self-acceptance” as an excuse for their lack of courage.

For more ideas about overcoming shyness fast, watch this video – 8 Simples Steps to Overcome Shyness

If you are ready to stop making excuses and find out the REAL strategies that work at overcoming shyness fast, then

CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Shyness

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Overcoming Shyness Fast